i Nili o i Ardanole Newsletter:

Your source for Lord of the Rings News, Updates, Poetry, Art, Parody and Satire.


Issue 20, Volume 2, January 23rd, 2004.

Editors: Perian, Xara. 
Primary Reporter: Ivy Brandybuck.
Chief Corespondent: Prongs.
Contributor(s): Fool of a Took.

In this issue:
The Gathering of the Fellowship – erm, not quite by Prongs
The Story Continues by Xara.
The Inevitable Occurrence by Ivy.
How Edoras Became Tied Up In Knots by Perian.
Forgotten Worrier by Xara.
Deadlines by Perian.

In every issue:
Fanfiction: This Fortnight: Chapter Two by Ivy.
Random Fandom.
Ask Samwise.
Letters to the Editor.

The Gathering of the Fellowship – erm, not quite.

By Prongs


TORONTO – This past weekend, the University of Toronto’s Annesley Hall held their third annual “Lord of the Rings: Fan Obsession” party, an event filled with much fun and ridiculousness that your reporter had the privilege of participating in.

  Saturday morning began with … well, breakfast of course! From bacon and eggs to English muffins and jam, there was food a-plenty for the girls and their guests but an hour later, in true hobbit style, the cavalry marched onto the university dining hall for … yes, second breakfast. Once back at the dorm, the breakfast things were cleared away and the first heat of the quiz competition was accompanied by elevenses. The questions asked were of varying difficulty and seven teams of two girls, including your forked reporter and her roommate, participated. After two hotly contested hours, the scores between the seven teams were near even, your reporter and her roommate placing third. In keeping with their newly acquired hobbit personas, the girls and guests once again invaded the dining hall for a merry luncheon. The festivities were halted as the more responsible students (ahem) got some studying done, but all seriousness was cast aside a few hours later as the talent competition began. While girls and guests enjoyed afternoon tea, the seven teams performed a Lord of the Rings related skit. Your roving reporter and her roommate did a wonderful (judging by the cheers) rendition of the “Hobbit Drinking Song”, complete with (empty) beer mugs, but were sadly beaten by a pair who had a Gollum-Smeagol debate about the evilness of university professors. Even this reporter admits that they were brilliant.

  Tea was followed by dinner and dinner by the second heat of the quiz competition. Here, your reporter and her roommate redeemed themselves as they were able to respond to almost every single question asked! Score free Return of the King tickets for the next night! Wazoo! Hilarity broke out after the prize distribution as your reporter, her roommate and their significant others broke into song and dance, “Hey ho, to the bottle I go …”. Sadly, dancing on an extremely full stomach caused the two girls to become violently ill, but being the true hobbits that they were, they joined the rest of the group for a light celebratory supper.

  The Sunday festivities began with the watching of the extended editions of the Fellowship of the Ring and the Two Towers. The celebrations were concluded with the viewing of the Return of the King at a nearby cinema – the employees were stunned to see a mob of young scholars parade through their doors – no doubt they were worried about hooliganism on the students’ behalf, this reporter ventures. Snacks were bought, the movie was watched with much cheering, crying and applauding and, at the end of it all, thirty-five deaf-tone voices joined together to pay tribute to the cast, crew and Annie Lennox with their tuneless rendition of “Into the West”.

  This reporter would like to conclude her article by voicing a thought. While it was a fun and wonderful idea to be a hobbit for a day, serious repercussions came with it, including a severe stomach ache due to excessive eating. Your reporter begs to be excused now as she must go take some medicine … ugh! 

The Story Continues...
What To Do After The Return of the King
by Xara.

  The Return of the King is the thing undisputably on everyone's lips at the moment. Recently released in half the world, and on the verge of release in the other half, everyone simply can't wait to get a ticket in their hot little hand, get into the cinema and be blown away. However amongst all the excitement the comment "It will be sad though once it's all over" has been repeatedly cropping up in conversations since January. Yes, well do I remember the first time that I finished reading Return of the King. I confess I bawled for half an hour, and not just because Frodo was leaving Middle Earth forever, but because the best story I'd ever read had finished. It is hard to accept, but remember there will always be more things to do after Return of the King.
  Firstly, you'll have to go and see it again, and again, and again, and again, until you run out of money or it stops screening. Then, when it stops screening, there'll always be the wait for the DVD and the Extended DVD to look forward to! Think of all the things to come, Peter Jackson might make The Hobbit! You could read The Silmarillion or another of Tolkien's works. And of course there's that yearly reading of Lord of the Rings that you can be constantly looking forward to. There's all the future cast projects to see, all the newspaper and internet articles which don't think for a second will suceed to read, there's New Zealand and all the locations to be visited.
  There are fan fictions to read and to write, there are friends to clog up the internet and your inbox chatting with about your favorite scenes. There are screen caps to be taken and oogled over, Tolkien Encyclopedia's to read, letters of correction to send to the Encyclopedia's publisher. There are Lord of the Rings exhibits to be visited, hobbit-holes to be designed and built in the back garden. It's like what Samwise said, the great stories never end, not really. People come and go from them, chapters begin and end, but the story always keeps going, no matter what happens, and it always will. Happy Obsessing!

The Inevitable Occurance.
By Ivy.

  We all know that word... the word we use to describe how we feel when there's absolutely nothing to do. That's right: Boredom. We've all experience the vile feeling at some time or another, (Save perhaps Perian, who claims to never be bored.) but have you ever wondered what some of our beloved Fellowship members did when they were bored to tears?
  Let's start with Frodo, the obvious choice. Frodo spent his time fawning over gold jewelry- Is cut off by a voice in her head informing her the Ring was destroyed. Well then... He was known to sing a song or recite a piece, and of course the Red Book needed writing. (How else would we know what they did in their spare time?!) Then the inevitable occurred: Boredom. What is the hobbit to do? Well, travelling was definitely an option, (which he in fact did.) I mean, with all of that Baggins/Took/Brandybuck blood... Anyhoo... In his travels he could head off to Valinor. (Which, again, he does.) I would go on to see what he did after that, but this reporter is far too afraid to come into contact with Valar... Or Legol- Feels someone kick her in the shin, cutting her off.
  Next up we have Boromir, the eldest son of the Steward and Captain of Gondor's army. That, you would think, would give him plenty to do. Alas, boredom struck. I mean, you can only sharpen your sword so much! (HA! Shortswords!) Moving on... He wasnae bored for long, I"m sure, what with the Fellowship and his obvious obsession with the Ring... Though I suppose that would get rather boring, too... Then again, it's the Ring... In any case, our dear Boromir was slain by orcs, thus solving the problem of boredom, no matter how morbid.
  While I know this next piece will, without a doubt in my mind, be the end of my existence on this Earth (or any other, for that matter,) I simply cannot resist. Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood. Now between running and being an elf, standing still and being an elf, and being nancy and being an elf, it leaves little room for much else. There seems to be only one (apparent) downside to being an elf: Immortality. Immortality = Boredom. Then there's the (to some, anyway,) upside to elfiness: Look at that hair! Though you have to admit it's rather startling to see it on a male. You could spend hours just brushing it!
  Now, before the mob comes after me, I'll end in one note: Boredom strikes even the best of us. The next time you think you're bored, just be thankful your not running into nearly-certain-but-not-quite-because-it's-fate death!

How Edoras Became Tied Up In Knots
by Perian.
No matter who you ask, no one seems to have clear view of the historical basis of the people of Rohan. The straw-like hue of their hair narrows the realm of probability (no pun intended) to a small area of Europe, but still leaves many suppositions with their credibility intact.
  The first theory is that the Rohirrim are a very Scandinavian people. This is certainly supported by Tolkien himself. Often he mentions in the lore and history of their people that Eorl came out of the North beyond Lorien, somewhere in the vales of the Anduin. The Hammer of Helm is also reminiscent of the hammer of Thor in Norse mythology.
  The second theory holds them to be equally Germanic in their roots, but in this case, as Tolkien artist John Howe put it, "The Rohirrim are basically Anglo-Saxons on horses (which would have allowed them to WIN the Battle of Hastings, instead of those pesky Normans...)" This is more dubious geographically, however it has much linguistic validity. Most of the root words of the names of people and places of the Riddermark are Anglo-Saxon (eo = horse, firien [or firgen] = mountain, etc.) As Tolkien was a professor of Anglo-Saxon, and as many characters have names which stem from very different roots... from German to Latin to Nordic, it is difficult to be sure of Tolkien's intent.
  In his recent rendition of The Two Towers, director Peter Jackson seemed unable to make up his mind. The casting of such characters as Eowyn was a leap in the direction of the first theory. Peter hisself mentioned picking her for her Scandinavian appearance. The design of the costumes and set leaned in the other direction.
  ... Then he had to off and introduce a third element! Yes, though the nobility of the nobility of Rohan hold closely to the Germanic/Norse image of them, the people and decorative details to not. In enters the last contrivance, this one highly Irish-Celtic. As you watch the scenes of Edoras and Meduseld you will notice this in everything from the fair reddish hair of nearly every extra to the key- and knot-work which appears everywhere: their collars, chairs, tapestries... It is even said by Miranda Otto (who played Eowyn) that prior to voiceovers and redubs their accents were far more Irish.
  Then add the horses. Which culture are they supposed to represent? The English Cavalry? For goodness sake, what are the Rohirrim? Are we supposed to remain forever pondering this enigma? Even an analysis of their closest neighbors provides no clues... The Gondorians are even more vague than the people of Rohan.
  No one seems to have one single idea on the matter. We can only hope for future clarity. If anyone has any evidence to support one theory or another, please share it with us (Perian@frontiernet.net). Perhaps we will never know the answer to this riddle set to us by Master Tolkien, but at least we can make our guesses on this riddle tied up in knots.

Forgotten Worrier
by Xara.

  [At time of writing it was] three months until the Return of the King came to our cinemas, six weeks since The Two Towers was released on DVD, and ten months since The Fellowship of the Ring Extended Version came out...(Warning, blatant advertising coming right up)...I just finished writing my fan fiction (there it is!! Did you see that?!! Outrageous!) and realised suddenly that in the whole thing, Boromir was mentioned a grand total of once. ONCE!! Such an important character, completely forgotten. I look around bus stops and cinemas and there are posters of Aragorn, Frodo, Arwen, Gandalf...but no Boromir...whatever happened to him? Oh right, of course! He's dead! But then, whatever happened to remembrance? In the furore surrounding the release of the second and third Lord of the Rings movies we've completely forgotten Boromir, so this, is his tribute.
  Boromir was a terribly worried person. His city was under constant threat of annhilation, his father wasn't King and therefore he wasn't ever going to be King, the Ring had been entrusted to a hobbit, he seemed to be the only person in the Fellowship who thought they should use the Ring and didn't hold with any of that destroying it to end all evil nonsense, and nobody seemed to like him either except his father who was several hundred miles away. In fact, it was this worrying which led to his downfall in the end, leading him to try and take the Ring from Frodo, though he redeemed himself in death.
  Yep. Boromir definitely had a lot of things to worry about, and worry he did...loudly. In fact, it can be noticed especially when reading the books that Boromir was worried about having Gandalf as a leader as well, and would worry about every decision the old wizard made. He worried when they went up Carad-hras, and then when they came down again. Then when they were going into Moria, and then when he thought they weren't looking like getting into Moria, and then about the lake outside Moria, and then about going into Lothlorien. It seemed that Boromir played a very noble position in the Fellowship of pointing out every negative aspect of every situation that they had no choice of getting into before they got into it.
  But let's be fair. Boromir was a vital part of the Fellowship, being a warrior and very strong they probably would not have gotten far without him. He may not have been the most pleasant and amiable companion of the nine, but, even when he tried to take the Ring, he meant well. He saved the lives of the hobbits many times throughout the journey, and seemed to have appointed himself their guardian. He proposed a fire on Carad-hras for the hobbit's sake, he was always looking after their welfare, and in the end, he died defending Merry and Pippin. But the fact that he tried to take the Ring seems to be the only thing that people can remember about him, when they do remember him at all. And so sometimes we should remember to remember the good stuff, and the bad stuff, and the in between stuff. Remember Tolkien's incredibly complex but essentially noble character, Boromir.
by Perian.

  For the past twenty-two issues, yours truly has encountered the same dilemma, coming as unfailingly as the sun each morning. It starts off the day after an issue has been completed and sent, the urge to hurry and write articles pulsing in my veins. Then that serene but irrefutable voice (whom I have dubbed Teleri in honour of the procrastinational clan of elves and my own tertiary title) starts her persuading. "Calm down. You have completed another issue. Relax. You can write tomorrow."
  That makes sense. No need for stress. So, I listen. The next day it returns, "Thirteen days? Surely you have time..." And so it goes. By Friday I have forgotten about articles altogether. Not until the Tuesday night before the next issue is due does it strike me: both articles and all of the columns are unfinished! The deadline is only a few days (invariably filled already with promises and engagements) away! Deadlines, curse them! We hates them... But as dreadful as the looming deadlines become, their presence allows the survival of this newsletter. Without them forgetfulness would leave all these Tolkien-inspired thoughts and fantasies unrecorded and ultimately unread.
  This lack of a Deadline can be devastating, but not to us alone. Consider Tolkien and his writings. He is the composer of masterpieces, clearly, but a goodly amount of his time was diverted to teaching, fighting, romancing. Procrastination? Yes, he had it, too, and admitted as much about writing of the journey of Frodo and Sam through Mordor. He was a master at the art, and has a thick volume of Unfinished Tales to affirm this. Had he been told the date of his death, the final and most literal Deadline, perhaps more of his work would have met completion. However, the reverse may well have happened, with a desire to relax and enjoy the remainder of his Earth-bound days leading tho his manuscripts being set aside.
  Within his work the Deadline theme also plays very prominently. Had Frodo and Sam arrived at Mt. Doom a day later than they did, the forces of the Western resistance (including Gandalf, Aragorn, Eomer, Legolas, Gimli, Imrahil, Pippin, and the sons of Elrond) would have been annihilated, for example. Some Deadlines were missed: Gandalf did not make his appointment in the Shire, nor in Bree, enabling Frodo's wounding; The hobbits were late in returning, the Shire half-ruined in the time of their tarrying; Aragorn and company did not reach the fields of Pelennor until the battle was waning and Theoden lay mortally wounded upon the plain.
  All in all, Deadlines are beneficial, even necessary, for motivation ... but wouldn't Middle-earth and the surrounds be so pleasant without them? Er, maybe not.

This Fortnight: Chapter Two
of a tale by Ivy.

  "Halamore! Afternoon tea!" Estella called out the window, and walking over to the table as a boy of about seven or eight ran in the door, his light brown curls bouncing with each step.
  "I'm here!" He chimed, setting himself down at the table, utensils in hand. "I'm hungry... What are we having?" Estella laughed.
  "Just like your father..." She said, setting down a plate piled with mushrooms, potatoes, and carrots. "Not much, but it is only afternoon tea." Estella said. Halamore looked shocked.
  "It's only afternoon tea? Mother, I have never heard anything less hobbit-like in my whole life!" He said in awe.
  "Well," laughed Estella, "You have a lot of your life left to hear stranger things! Now eat!" Apparently Halamore didn't have to be told twice, because he set in on the meal without a word. Just as Estella had sat down at the table, Merry burst into the room, looking quite flustered.
  "Merry! You're late! Not like you to miss a meal, love." Estella said, getting up to get Merry a plate.
  "Estella, I have to go." Merry replied, out of breath, as he walked to the cupboard and started taking out any food he could get his hands on.
  "What do you mean, you have to go? Where? Why?" She asked, walking around the table.
  "Rohan and Gondor have called for Pippin and my aid. We're to go immediately." Merry answered, leaving the kitchen, and walking into the bedroom, starting to furiously pack clothes and stuff food into a pack.
  "What?! Merry, I thought this was over a long time ago! You haven't been to Rohan for years!" protested Estella. No one notices young Halamore slip in and quietly observe the scene.
  "That's no matter!" Merry retorted, closing the pack and pulling on his cloak, "We're to go now. Pippin is waiting outside." He went over to Estella and took her hands. "The future of Middle Earth is at stake. I have to go." He said quietly. Estella just stared back at him blankly.
  "Again?! Merry, what in the name of all that is green in the world could possibly threaten Middle Earth?" She asked.
  "That's just it, I don't know! But I'm going to find out." Merry turned around and notices Halamore standing behind Estella. "Halamore... I want you to take care of your mum while I'm gone, alright? Be a good boy. I'll be back soon."
  "Daddy... Where are you going?" Halamore asked quietly. The question was asked with such innocence that Merry had a pained expression cross his face.
  "Rohan, and then to Gondor. Be a good boy." He stood up, kissed Estella, and walked out the door. She ran after him, tears streaming down her face.
  "You can't go, Merry! You can't just leave us here!" She cried, walking out into the early afternoon sun. Pippin was there, two large ponies saddles and bridled behind him. Estella noticed Diamond and Faramir just to her left.
  "Estella, I have to! I have no choice. I'll be back soon." Was Merry's only reply. He gave Estella one last kiss, looked down at Halamore, mounted the pony, and rode off.

  "Peregrin Took, what are you doing?! You can't go to Gondor!" Diamond cried, turning him around as he reached the door.
  "Diamond... Aragorn has called for my help. I owe him the favour, not to mention I'm in service to Minas Tirith. I have to go. Merry is coming with me. You and Faramir are to stay here, and you're to stay with Estella and Halamore, do you understand?" Pippin asked, his hand cupped underneath her chin. Diamond barely nodded.
  "I love you..." She whispered, giving him a farewell kiss. Pippin smiled weakly, and walked out the door, Diamond and Faramir following.
  "Father, may I not come with you?" Faramir asked, coming forward.
  "No, Faramir, you may not. You are too young to accompany me on such a quest. And..." He looked down at Faramir, and his voiced dropped to a whisper. "I need to you take care of your mother. Be a good lad, and take care of Estella and Halamore as well, alright?" Pippin led the two ponies down the street, his wife and son behind him, just as Merry walked out the door. He sat in silence for Merry's farewell, and waited until he rode off to follow, giving one last look back at the four hobbits standing in the street, slowly fading out of sight.


Random Fandom


Xara: A wizard breaks into your house in the middle of the night and informs you that it is down to you, and you alone, to save all Middle Earth from the brink of destruction. How do you react?

Fool of a Took: The first thing I would do would be to pull his beard to make sure it was not fake, and for good measure I might also pull his nose. Then I might do one of two things. If he came before 3am, I’d be ready to go before you could say antidisestablishmentarianism, (which, if you are like me, may be never…I can’t say that word. Or library. Or microwave. Or specific…) but if he came after 3, I’d snore and roll over and that would be the end of that.  

Xara: You've been hired to help the hobbits of the Shire kick their bad smoking habits, what's your strategy?

Fool of a Took: My strategy….mm. Why can’t I just let them smoke? It would catch the Shire on fire, which would wipe out all hobbits, which would be one less race to worry about… 

Xara: You wake up one morning to find your mithril tipped arrow has been stolen!! Shock! Horror! How are you going to get it back?

Fool of a Took: Gosh, I’m not having a good night, am I? First this guy comes in and tells me that if I don’t do something, all of Middle Earth would fall apart, then I’m supposed to get the hobbits of the Shire to stop smoking, which everybody knows is impossible, and now my arrow is gone! Humph. Phooey. Gosh darned. Ok, for the question….how to get it back? Well, first I’d poke them with my mithr- but I can’t do that, can I? Drat. Plan B…I will…sit in the corner and blackmail who ever took it until I get it back. Yeah, that’s a good plan! I’ll use blackmail! *smiles smugly* Hear that everyone? If you ever take my mithril tipped arrow, you must face the wrath of me!


Ask Samwise.

  Dear Samwise, 
I'm going into year 11 in school next year which is supposed to be a much busier year, it's like this big cloud looming on the horizon that's threatening to take over my life which is not good because I just spent the last year sorting it out and fixing everything up and getting it just the way I wanted it. I feel like the world is coming to an end. You felt like that every day for about six months so you must know a thing or two about it, what should I do? 
Your Ever Persistent Xara.

  Dear E.P.X. (Epics?)
  It's like in the great stories, Mister Fro- er, Miss Xara, the ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, your thoughts of it are, and sometimes you don't want to know the ending, because how could things be good after so many exams had happened? How could the world go back to how it was before after so much bad had happened? But a new year will come, and when the ...
  That is, you'll be all right.
  Lecturing Again but Sweetly, Sam.
My Dearest Samwise, 
I am currently in the middle of reading the Silmarilion by J.R.R. Tolkien (you might have heard of him) and I am finding so many different names of people and places within the pages that it is hard to keep up with them all. Can you suggest something to make my reading easier? Much appreciated, Samwise! 
Love, Your Prongs.
  Dear Prongs,
  Well, a list would be right helpful. Something small enough to use as a bookmark. For example: Illuvatar = Made World, Varda = Elbereth = Stars and Such, Turin = Batty.
  Another good way to remember things is to know what they mean. I'll tell our Tolkienish writer to get right on to using the root words that are in the names and all that for the column.
  Understanding, Sam.
WANTED: A side-door to escape through, ahem, I mean jump out onto the bridge and fight off all those orcs attacking Helm's Deep...yes, er, before January 27th please. Contact xara229@hotmail.com.
Eored: (noun, a compound word from Anglo-Saxon) eoh = horse and rad = riding. The horsemen or cavalry.
Eotheod: (noun, a compound word from Anglo-Saxon) eoh = horse and theod = people or land. Used of the Riders of Rohan and of their country.
-wine: (Old English) friend, often used as the second part of a proper name.

Letters to the Editors.
Dear Editor, 
First off I would like to say how disappointed I am in the readership for not sending in any letters to our long suffering editor last week in my absence! You know, Perian works so very hard every fortnight to get this out to you guys and the least we can all do is give her a helping hand, the newsletter just doesn't materialise in your inbox, a lot of work goes into it. I think if everyone just sent one letter to one of the columns occasionally or recommended the newsletter to one friend it would help enormously! Team work! Nobody's expecting you to work your butt of like our esteemed editor here but small contributions, in large numbers, would go such an incredibly long way. We all know how much Perian deserves a little encouragement every now and then. Secondly, I would like to say editor, how surprised I was to see my coverage notes in the newsletter! And all edited too! I had to read it all again! (smile) And all the articles from other contributors! Perhaps I was a little too harsh earlier, it was lots of fun to read it all! Can't wait to see next weeks'! 

  Er, other than the bit praising one Perian, what you said.