i Nili o i Ardanole Newsletter:

Your source for Lord of the Rings News, Updates, Poetry, Art, Parody and Satire.


Issue 24, Volume 2, March 19th, 2004.

Editors: Perian, Xara. 
Primary Reporter: Ivy Brandybuck.
Chief Corespondant: Prongs.
Contributor(s): Lady Morrigan Shadow, Fool of a Took, Fan, Quickbeam.
In this issue:
Concerning Galadriel by Xara.
Bag End the Bachelor Pad by Quickbeam.
The Secret Desire of Peregrin Took by Ivy.
Emboldening of the Beast by Perian.
Helm Has a Deep, But Who is He? by Xara.
The Lidless Eye by Perian.

In every issue:
Fanfiction: This Fortnight: Chapter Six by Ivy.
Random Fandom.
Ask Samwise.

Concerning Galadriel
by Xara.

  Tolkien's mystic Lady of the Wood Galadriel is undoubtedly one of his most intriguing, mysterious and entirely enthralling characters of all Middle Earth. One of the oldest beings left on Middle Earth save maybe Treebeard, Sauron and the Istari her story is one that spans right back to Valinor (The Undying Lands) before the Silmarils were forged. And yet very little of her own fascinating story is revealed by Tolkien in the Lord of the Rings. More light is shed on it in the Silmarillion but there is still a large amount of haziness overcast on Galadriel. This may have been because right until the end of his life Tolkien himself was in doubt as to Galadriel's story and changed it several times, however one of his most clear versions of events found was published in the fascinating volume 'Unfinished Tales' by Tolkien's son Chistopher. In this there are several revelations about the past and character of Galadriel and I will now relate a few of these interesting points to you.
  The first revelation about Galadriel which I was fascinated by is Feanor (the creator of the Silmarils - three incredibly beautiful jewels that shone with the light of the Two Trees, stolen by Morgoth, an act which provoked Feanor and his followers to rebel in Valinor and pursue Morgoth to retrieve them) is said to have begged Galadriel for a lock of her hair but that she refused to give him a single hair from her head. It is also said that Galadriel's golden silver hair is what inspired Feanor to make the three Silmaril's, capturing the golden and silver light of the Two Trees Laurelin and Telperion in the jewels.
  The next startling revelation is that after the end of the first age, as the only key member of the rebellion in Valinor left living in Middle Earth, Galadriel alone remained banned from returning to Valinor, exiled on Middle Earth until the Valar deemed that she was ready to return. For Galadriel is said to be the greatest of the Noldorin elves save perhaps Feanor only, and she desired a realm of her own where she might govern things as she wished, and desired to be a great and powerful queen. It is said in Unfinished Tales that only when Frodo offered to her The One Ring and everything she ever dreamed of was within her grasp that she came to full wisdom and rejected it. Only after she passed this test was the Ban of the Valar lifted and Galadriel permitted to return to Valinor.
  Last but not least it is revealed that after this event Galadriel prayed to the Valar that Frodo would be permitted to travel over the sea to Valinor and so be healed of the pain of his burden and suffering. This is but a small part I am sure of Galadriel's immortal story but it provides invaluable insight into events in the Lord of the Rings and particularly into those in the chapters 'The Mirror of Galadriel' and 'Farwell to Lorien'. One more piece in the puzzle of Galadriel's life.

Bag End the Bachelor Pad
A Comparison of Bachelorhood
by Quickbeam.

  "There has always been a Baggins living under The Hill, here at Bag End...and there always will be." True to an extent, but, oddly, the Baggins was always an unattached, single male, living by himself or with a relative. How interesting that neither Bilbo nor Frodo was ever married, nor had any romantic escapades (don’t even think about cracking a Frodo/Sam joke, or I’ll have your ears).
  Bachelor pads have a name to live up to. When we hear these words we think of cheesy reality TV shows and certain Bunnies of an un-furred sort. We know Hobbits are partiers, but honestly! Who wants to think of Frodo playing Middle-earth Kart and Hobbit Kong while chugging ale all day long, then retiring to an evening of bad music and worse dancing?
  So maybe we’re under a misconception. That being the case, maybe all bachelor pads are pleasant, sunny, lived-in smials were books and papers litter the floor and friends are not uncommon, where there are healthy stores of food and drink for merriment.
  Let’s review, now. Obviously, neither stereotypes fit both descriptions. So lets start with the similarities: friends, food, fun.
  Neither Peregrin nor Meriadoc- nay, nor Samwise- would have measured up to man’s best friend by today’s standards. Then again, the typical male would have been viewed as obscene, crude and vulgar in Hobbiton. So maybe there’s a compromise. If you think of one, let me know.
  So friends is scratch - obviously, the personalities and mannerisms clash. So on we go to food.
  Bilbo’s offerings to Gandalf early in The Fellowship of the Ring were hardly what today’s man would call "tempting". Though they may be allured by the promise of "something a little stronger" there would be little else to hold their interest. Cheese? Where was the excitement in that? Eggs? Too much work. Cake? Mm, possibly. Oh wait...no frosting? Psshht, never mind. That being said, the inhabitants of Bag End were probably not particularly inclined to enjoy the chips and dip men seem to be so fond of. Frodo especially would probably not be too keen on tasting their particular brand of ale. So, there goes food.
  And lastly, fun. "A night on the town" holds very different meanings now than it did then. A few drinks at the Green Dragon (cue Merry and Pippin singing "Hey ho...") would be considered dull and square by any but the Halflings themselves. However, I’m sure they would rather be considered "dull and square" than "obnoxious and lewd".
  So what does that leave us? A few fuzzy midgets, disgusted by today, and a few slovenly men mortified of yesterday’s simplicity... not much to work with. By the decree of this Ringer, then, I declare Baggins and Bachelors too far apart to work with. May they be forever separate, Valar help us.

The Secret Desire of Peregrin Took
by Ivy.

  Peregrin Took. That adorable little rascal who's always causing trouble and getting into mischief. Meriadoc Brandybuck. The other half of the Took-Brandybuck duo. You cannot have one without the other! Peregrin. The more innocent and younger of the two, who becomes the guard of the citadel and was part of the Fellowship. Meriadoc. The older and more mischievous of them both, a warrior of Rohan, co-defeater of the Witchking of Angmar, and really a female.
  STOP! REWIND! Did I just say Merry is a female? Yes, yes I did... And this reporter has a first hand experience, being the alter-ego of this particular hobbit. While we won't go into that, it's relevant to know for this article. Merry = Marry. Marry = female. Fool-proof equation, even for Pippin. Well, maybe not. But that's what this article is about: Unveiling the secret desires of that not-so-innocent-or-foolish Took.
  As cousins, Marry (Who we will call Marry to put you in the right frame of mind) and Pippin spent a lot of time together in their childhoods. They became a well-known duo, and were likely to cause a bit of mischief, though that is more heavily noted in the films. There is the infamous fireworks scene, and a point in Rivendell soon after the two join the Fellowship in which Pippin asks, "Where are we going?" Marry was the more scholarly of the two, though that doesn't mean Pippin was stupid. In some things, yes, but nothing is implied in that...
  Even in the books, if you have the right frame of mind, and are thinking of Merry in a certain way, it's very easy to believe that he is a female. But who else knew that, and what does this have to do with Pippin?
  Now, let's put some evidence forth: Marry and Pippin were together since childhood, making them matched, so to speak. They went off to Fangorn together and were often alone. In Gondor, after Marry had fallen ill, Pippin helped tend to her. Now, what am I getting at, and what am I trying to prove? Pippin was in love with Marry.
  Yes, that's right! Think about it... Pippin didn't fall in love with her until he knew she was a female, which must have been in Fangorn forest, because their departing in RotK was very emotional. Too emotional for the parting of best friends, as it were. They had spent the whole Fellowship together, and Treebeard had left them alone with Quickbeam for days, and even he wasn't there the entire time! There was plenty of time for them to sort things out and found the basis of a romantic relationship.
  Makes sense, doesn't it? If they were such a duo, do you not think that if they were of opposite gender they would make an excellent couple? Not only could they, but they did! Until they returned to the Shire, they were together, and who then went off and married Diamond and Estello. (Yes, Estello.)
  That still leaves much to be debated, but this article is overdue. Perhaps once you've pondered it a bit I'll return for part two!

Emboldening of the Beast
by Perian.

  While first experiencing the Lord of the Rings a fledgling is taken on an incredible, life-changing journey. As incredible, though far less noticeable, is the subtle journey the neophyte is taking him/herself, guided by the skilled hand of Tolkien, from being one who would not go near a book filled with unbelievable characters (if they knew it to be so) to becoming a believer.
  How does Tolkien do this? With a fair amount of patience and a flowing finesse. Well, and a steady progression from the world we know into the world he imagined.
  He opens with little people (easy enough to comprehend, as we have comparably little people in the world today) and a wizard (equally easy to accept, as street magicians and fireworks aren’t beyond experience.) Dwarves are soon presented; all very well, as not only are there dwarves, in infinitely small quantities mind you, but we also know them as a childhood story emblem. These characters ride ponies, horses, carts, wheelbarrows. Nothing extraordinary.
  Next we are introduced to the Big Folk, the man on a black horse. Slightly unsettling, but not unrealistic. Oh, dear, he’s after our heros! Hurry, someone, save them! Ah, good, they did. Who are these people, or rather, what? Elves? Yes, I think I have heard of those. Well, so long as they came in time to save the hobbits, that’s all right. More little people. Little people singing about rivers and rain. More ponies. Barrow-weights? Ooh, this is getting interesting. Men? Oh dear, not dull old humans again. Now the reader is accustomed to the unusual, and, if they would admit it, enjoying it. More of these elves coming in to the story is welcomed, and extraordinary horses do not seem a stretch. Now as the fellowship comes together every one of the five species represented feels as real as that tribe of people with tails in Africa, if not more so.
  Moria provides the first challenge in introducing orcs, goblins, trolls, wargs, The Watcher in the Water, and a balrog. By this time, however, the reader is attached enough to each member of the Fellowship to wade through the plethora of fantastical creatures. After this a reprieve is granted until Legolas shoots down a creature in the night.
  Now come uruks, those hideous human-orc half-breeds, but only with the death of Boromir. The neophyte must keep going to ensure the safety of their favourite character (as by now they have picked one.)
  The bestiary progression continues, each creature introduced taking the reader one step further into the fantasy genre, and more or less accepting it the whole way. Ents and oliphaunts, fell beasts and the dead, Gollum and marsh-lights... all set to the reader in such a way that it doesn’t feel like fiction as one reads it. A different story it will prove when the neophyte tries telling this to a fantasy-scoffing acquaintance.
  All of this leads to the two most unbelievable and horrifying of creatures. One is the Eye of Sauron, wreathed in flame, able to penetrate the mind and will of even the most valiant and wary. The other; the Ringlord Frodo, in those final Crack of Doom moments. What was that absurd, inconceivable twist about, eh?
  And so, through planning and cunning, Tolkien makes acceptable a multitude of myths which would not have been if introduced in the beginning.

Helm Has a Deep, But Who is He?
by Xara.

  We all know the name Helm's Deep. It is the name of the fortress of Rohan at which was fought one of the most significant battles of the war of the ring. The battle of Helm's Deep marked the overthrow of Saruman's dreaded army and the victory of Rohan over their unfriendly neighbour. At Helm's Deep they took one Dark Lord down, one to go. But who is this Helm person who, according to the title, owns the deep? How many people really think about the meaning of that name? Not many, in fact I myself never gave it a second thought until recently. But this Helm of Helm's Deep, was actually a very interesting person indeed.
  Helm Hammerhand was the most famous king of Rohan after Eorl the Young. His deeds first appear in history at the time when he earned his nickname, Hammerhand. Helm was holding a great council at Edoras as he often did when one of the council members, Freca, a powerful man in Rohan with more than a little Dunlendish blood in him, asked for the hand of Helm's daughter for his son Wulf. In reply to this proposal Helm insulted Freca by calling him fat, at which Freca was angered greatly and would brawl with Helm. Helm however would not allow a fight within the walls of Edoras and after the meeting was over he forced Freca outside and punched him in the face with so much strength that Freca died shortly afterwards.
  Several years later Minas Tirith was assailed by the Corsairs of Umbar and at the same time, Rohan was invaded by the men of Dunland, led by Wulf, Freca's son. Edoras was taken and the throne claimed by Wulf. Helm and what remained of the people of Rohan fled to the Hornburg which would later be known as Helm's Deep where they were besieged for many months. This was just before the time of the Long Winter during which Rohan was covered in snow for five months. Provisions for both the besiegers and the besieged in Edoras were short and many went hungry including Helm himself.
  It is said that during this time Helm would steal out of the Deep clad in white to blend with the snow and kill many in the camps of the Dunlendings with his hands, believing that if he bore no weapon then no weapon could harm him. One night he went out one of these ventures but he did not return, and the next day the sun rose over an upright figure still as stone standing in the snow. It was Helm and he was dead. But it is said that at times the ghost of Helm still wanders in the Deep and kills enemies during battle with fear.
  A fascinating Rohan legend. And so next time you hear someone talk about Helm's Deep, you'll know the history behind that name.

The Lidless Eye
by Perian.

  No, despite the obvious connection, I do not refer to the that eye, the Eye of Sauron in the title (though you will read more of Him later in the article.) The eye, or rather eyes, around which this article revolves are those of The Lord of the Rings’ (cinematic version) star, Elijah Wood.
  In his time as Frodo Baggins, Elijah, interestingly, blinks very, very rarely. While his fellow actors do this natural motion about one or two times per shot, Elijah, whose shots are often much longer, blinks on average (and the number could very slightly as I counted through only three five-minute segments of The Fellowship) once every six to seven shots.
  As in interviews and other film ventures Elijah blinks quite often, this strange characteristic was apparently reserved for Frodo. In knowing that the Lidless Eye was plaguing Frodo’s mind, perhaps he viewed it as a personal challenge, a Blinking (or more accurately stated, Anti-Blinking) Contest. Or maybe it was to give Frodo equal social standing with his rival, Sauron.
  This is not to say that he does not blink at all. There are many things we all expected him to do in the movies which he did not - fall in love with Goldberry, fight an orc or two, invite Sam and Rose to live in Bag End - but blinking was not quite one of them. It did come close. There can be little doubt that on the rare occasion when he did blink, it had a purpose. His eyes tried many times to blink on their own, but did not completely make it ("He’s closing them, he’s closing them. Ah, no! False alarm!") but when they do go all the way, there is a reason behind it. In fact, all of Elijah’s blinking, as far as I could see, fell into one of three categories:
  The first and simplest reason is that he was, at the time of blinking, facially assaulted. Whether the assault came from a charging orc, someone’s bad breath, an elven arrow, or Gandalf’s smoke does not matter. All were a direct threat to his priceless peepers.
  Secondly come the times when he, as Frodo, was startled, distracted in some way from the Anti-Blinking Contest. "You draw far too much attention to yourself, Mr. Underhill," I’m being kidnapped by a mad Man... Blink. "You are coming to us," There is a new set of eyes talking to me inside my head! Blink. And so on.
  The third and most frequent occasion of blinkability is when Frodo has done something particularly praiseworthy. For example, when he offered to take the Ring, startled and pleased Gandalf the Grey and Often Grumpy, and pulled an endearing smile all at once. At that moment he was no doubt pleased with himself and thought himself one point ahead of Sauron, as it were, permitting him the luxury of a blink. In this capacity, the blink is a reward system, a type of self-congratulation. When he resolves to go on to Mordor, both at the council of Elrond and alone on the shores of Amon Hen (after closing his hand around the Ring) are further examples of this.
  Even so, Elodo (Frijah?) blinks, winks, or otherwise lets his lids meets rarely and deliberately, making him a runner up for the title of the Lidless Eye, and doubly such. Is it any wonder that the lad was well-known for his napping on set? He deserved a bit of shuteye.

This Fortnight: Chapter Six
by Ivy.

  "Why won't he tell us?!" Merry growled, throwing himself onto one of the hobbit-sized beds provided for Pippin and himself. "We have a right to know what we're doing here!"
  "It must not be so important, if we have to wait." Pippin replied quietly.
  "If it's not so important, why wait? Why not just tell us so we can go home?! I want to go home!" the other complained.
  "Merry... It can wait. In any case, you have no choice: You have to wait, so get used to it."
  The sunrise came clear and fair, perfect riding conditions. Merry and Pippin were waiting in the Golden Hall as Eomer stepped out of seemingly nowhere, clad in full armour, three men behind him.
  "Master hobbits." He nodded to them, then indicated for them to follow.
  "Is no one coming with us?" Pippin asked, as he and Merry ran to keep up with Eomer's long strides as he made his way to the stables.
  "No. It is the three of us and my three men. We will call for more men if and when the time comes." He replied.
  "What do you mean, the time comes?! Why won't you tell us what's going on!?!" Merry asked, finally losing his temper. "I feel like I came all this way for no reason!" He fumed. Pippin laid a cautioning hand on his cousin's shoulder.
  "You will be enlightened soon enough, Meriadoc. I suggest you relax and enjoy the ride. It may be the last bit of peace you get for many days." Eomer mounted his horse and rode off, the three men doing the same, two of them taking the hobbits on their horses. Merry pondered Eomer's hints and warning, wishing someone would let him in on the secret. It was a secret that seemed to be known to everyone but him.

Newsletter Trivia.

This issue's questions:

Q: What was Frodo's e-mail address in Xara's article LOTR4: Attack of the Spammer?
Q: Who did Xara first interview in her Random Fandom column?

Last issue's winner:
  "But what about this one that lives with her?" asked Old Noakes of Bywater. "Rob is his name, but he's more than half a Brandybuck, they say."

Random Fandom.
Xara: You are on the way to Rivendell with when your best friend falls suddenly and violently ill. But you're in the middle of nowhere, there's no one around to help! What do you do? 
Cerridwen: Firstly - I'd get really worried that whatever my friend ate might very well be what I ate too... anything passed its die date and all... Then, I would make sure my friend was comfortable, I'd sit by the road, arm myself with sharpened sticks (annoying little highwaymen had best watch it!) and wait for someone to pass... If it was night, I'd build a bonfire to rival the eye of Sauron and catch the elves' attention. Actually ... people might not stop. 
 Xara: On your way through the South Pacific Ocean you happen to make a stop at New Zealand. You figure, now that you're here, how about doing a spot of hobbit hunting? The only question is...how do you catch a hobbit?! 
Cerridwen: Ah - now this is a good one! See, I have this theory. You know how socks come out of the dryer and you can NEVER find the other one? Well, I blame the hobbits - I think they steal one of the socks to use on midnight raids to farmer's gardens - you know, stuff them full of potatoes and carrots and all. Right, well, to catch a hobbit, all you need to do is make a trail of mismatched socks with occasional treats - carrots, cupcakes, potatoes - mixed in! Lead them to a kitchen or something and you've got 'em. 
Xara: It's the year 2024 and Peter Jackson has released a super duper wonder master extended DVD extraordinare package! Hurrah! There's only one problem, they're charging 2 million dollars for it! Where are you going to get that kind of money!?! 
Cerridwen: Who says I'm going to buy it? No, no, see, what you do is you find someone who HAS bought it, and either a) this person's your friend, so no worries, or b) you end up wearing black clothes, sitting in a tree at 10 p.m., straining to hear through a window and wishing that you'd brought snacks...

Ask Samwise.

  Dear Samwise,
  Being an Entmaiden, I am rather tall. I am having trouble finding a workplace that fits both my schedule and my stature. Do you have any suggestions? I was thinking maybe I could be a model, because I have such long legs, but I don't know if they would appreciate my beautiful foliage. Tell me what you think, please.

  Dear Entmaiden,
  There are a right lot of jobs an ent would fit in, and some you might not think to apply for. Laundry lines, pillars, or even a job in the circus (as a tent pole) might well work. Even so, as a gardener, I would say maybe you should stick to what you were meant for. That being caring for plants yourself, and being treeish. Can be naught better than that!
  Dear Samwise,
  One of my best friends is trying to shut himself off from the rest of the people in a group that we are both in. I don't know why he is doing this, but it really bothers me, I have tried talking to him, but he just changes the subject. I think he's becoming very depressed and I am very concerned. What should I do?
  ~A very worried Fan.
  Dear Fan,
  Now, I know what you're feeling, as Mister Frodo would go through these fits himself. Like as not, something's bothering your friend, and it's something he's not sure anyone else will understand. Let him change the topic if he needs, as sometimes it's best to think about things which aren't bothering you for a bit. The best thing you could do is listen, and sooner or later, when he knows he can depend on you to be his confidante, he may open up and tell you what's the matter. Remind him of what's good in the world, too. All the things he loves.
  And of course, if the world gets just too hard for him to handle, help him out of it for a bit. There are some stories Mr. Frodo wrote which might help, you may have heard of them...

HELP WANTED: Volunteer Needed. Long hours, paid in Lembas. Testing the long-term effects of a Lembas-only diet on Dwarves.
MISSING: Caring, gentle, dark-haired hobbit that spent one night with a handsome (read: fetid) creature in a romantic (read: dank and creepy) loft (read: cave). Hobbit is wanted back by his friend. His friend promises not to do that again. (if not THE hobbit, don't bother to reply.... unless you have curly red hair and are a bit on the pudgy side.) Please reply to smeagol_loves_hobbits@hotnessmail.com. Gollum Chronicleer.

CLASSIFIED: A one year old three month puppy (born on the day TTT opened in the U.S.), who is insanely hyper. Not house trained, chases cars, eats $50 math books, eats CDs, gets up at 5am every morning demanding breakfast, runs into walls, chases cats, chases own tail, eats its own paw, gets into green paint cans and paints a sleepingbag green, and many other things. Wouldn't you just kill to have this puppy? just contact Fool of a Took and this annoying puppy named Rielly can be yours, all for a low low price of $.0000004832574325743285732054743257435723!!!

Of Places and Geological Features, Part IV: (Key: q. = Quenya, s. = Sindarin.)

ëar: (q., noun) sea.
echor: (noun) encircling barrier (of mountains or a wall). Echoriath, Orfalch Echor, Rammas Echor.
eithel: (noun) well. Eithel Ivrin, Eithel Sirion, Barad Eithel, Mitheithel.
falas (s.), falassë (q.): (noun) shore, line of surf. Falas, Belfalas, Anfalas.

  Dear Editor,
  I don't like steamed carrots, but then, I am more of a hobbit person myself! I would like to congratulate both Ivy and Prongs! You surpassed yourselves! And that's saying a lot, I loved both articles! My dad loved them, too, he actually read this issue! It was...what's the word? Polished! And so many column contributors! So exciting!!! You make me proud to be a part of it!
  Hehehehe, well, you're a hobbit person, now, aren't you?

  Dear Xara,
  What a compliment from a great writer! Thank you very much Xara. You and Perian have both inspired me to write and hopefully I will keep at it for many more months to come.