Your source for Lord of the Rings News, Updates, Poetry, Art, Parody and Satire.
Issue 37, Volume 2, September 17th, 2004.
Editors: Perian, Xara.
Primary Reporter: Ivy.
Chief Correspondent: Prongs.
Contributor(s): Elfish Emma, Mike.
Find past archives or contribute at http://inili.iwarp.com/
Alliteration for Frodo Fans
With thanks to Elfish Emma
If you reader can make sense of this, you're smarter than I am!
Frodo fought fearsome foes for friends, family, fiddles. Fans for fantasy follow Frodo's fate fervently feeling for fellow faultless fairer. Frodo's fellowship favoured fatality for filthy, ferocious felons. Feckless fiends futilely fueled fires for for fortuitous findings. Fate favoured Frodo, flinging foes frightfully forcefully from Frodo's future furlong. Far from friends Frodo finding fortune fickle forsook fealty for fascinating festoonment. Fortunately fish finder fought ferociously falling feebly facing fiery finality. Farewell.
Frodo From Middle-earth … Meet Frodo From
So, what would happen if Frodo was alive today? What if he
was living among us … close by us? What if one of us conversed with him
everyday but just did not realize that it was him? *sigh* … if only,
think Perian and Xara. Ah, but what if Frodo was living on Planet Earth
… what would he be doing today?
*Frodo walks into a huge lecture hall* “I would like to welcome you all to HIS101: Canadian History.” Hey, this is my article and if I want him to live in Canada, he will ... so shush! *Frodo beings to lecture in a quiet, yet interesting manner* Among his zealous students are two over-eager girls … let’s call them Perian and Xara, shall we? … who stare in a trance-like state, “Oh, isn’t he so dreamy? He’s so interesting. Oh my Gosh – he furrowed his brow – cuuuuuuute!” Once the lecture is over, Frodo … er, I mean … Professor Frodo remains at the podium, explaining events and concepts to the students who stay behind.
When he finally finishes up, he walks back to his tiny office to prepare material for the next course that he will be teaching – HIS317: Canada At War. After a few hours of lecturing in much the same manner, he is accosted by several of his fellow historians. They argue for some time over which dining establishment they should visit, and finally settle on Tim Horton’s©. “Tall decaf, double the sweetener, double the cream, hold the froth,” he barks at the pimple-faced youth behind the counter. Looks like Frodo has lost his love for the liquor … oh well, times change I suppose. The professors exchange news and share their opinions on current events, until Frodo glances at his watch and decides to leave in order to prepare for his final lecture, HIS320: The First Canadian Settlers.
After entertaining his students, he walks back to his office and is just planning on going home when his close friends, Professors Leila Wood and Jacqui Dent of the English Department, stop by and invite him out for drinks. Oh, I’m sorry – did I say that Frodo had stopped drinking – I guess I lied. Someone should remind Frodo that drinking on an empty stomach is not a good idea … but he’s a big boy, he knows what he’s doing (We can only hope – Rob). So, it is at a bar with two lovely ladies that we leave our dear Frodo … er, I mean Professor Baggins … until the next time we decide to check in with him … cheers!
Frodo in the Middle
Frodo of the fellowship was an unusual hobbit, always being
attacked by evil creatures and nearly dying under the spears of goblin
chiefs. He constantly complained of ring fatigue and withdrew from his
companions before eventually running away. Strange behaviour for a
member of that fun-loving mirthful race, the hobbits, what could have
caused it? Tolkien laid all the blame on the evil power of the Ring and
Frodo's sense of responsibility and dread of what lay ahead of him. But
could that really explain it all away? I think in light of such strange
and mysterious behaviour we should look to other things for the cause.
In order to solve this mystery I began to look at the ages of the other members of the fellowship. First there was Gandalf, well, who knows how old he was, as old as Middle Earth itself, let's just say ten million for the record. Next, Legolas. No one knows precisely how old he was either, but it is generally accepted he's more than a thousand. Gimli the dwarf, by the dates, was a whopping 140, and Aragorn, as Eowyn so shockingly discovered in the extended edition, was 87. Boromir, though believed by most to be in his twenties, was actually 41, Samwise 38, Merry 36 and Pippin just 29. Which puts Frodo, at the age of 50, directly in the middle.
Aha! Could it be that perhaps therein lies the problem? Could it be, that Frodo's behaviour was actually just a bad case of middle child syndrome? Yes, it seems unlikely, especially as none of the fellowship shared the same parents at all, but just take a moment to consider. His complaints that the ring was increasing in weight, dragging at him, sapping his strength. That he could feel the Eye of Sauron searching, probing the lands for him. Consider, yes, consider carefully. Could this really have been classic, attention-seeking behaviour from a hobbit, placed by his age in neither the elder nor the younger category, who felt left out and unwanted?
Now, if we are to accept this theory, more things begin to make sense. It could be that all the evil creatures that attacked Frodo on his journey with the fellowship, were not drawn to him by the power of the ring, but actually encouraged to attack by the middle hobbit himself, in order to get some much craved attention. I'm sure a goblin chief wouldn't take much persuasion, a good, "Hey you! Stinky breath!" should have been enough to ensure the ugly brute would try to skewer him. And did not Frodo's foot slip into the water outside Moria? It is generally accepted that the stones of Merry and Pippin (or Boromir really, if you go by the book) were what roused the watcher in the water, but could it be that it had already been awoken by that seemingly accidental hobbit foot?
We cannot tell for certain of course, but I believe there is enough evidence for this theory not to be ruled out when considering Frodo's behaviour during his time in the fellowship. Was this just a classic case of middle child syndrome? Who knows...
The Sound of Silence
Frodo issue! Woot! For once a theme which I, as a
well-established Frodo fanatic, should have no trouble whatsoever with.
Even so, there is much about him which has been covered already. What
is left? Then my co-editor, while we were exchanging official
newsletter business e-mails ("Perian pokes, prods, and cajoles the
subscribers out of their hobbit-like quietude and onto the road to
contributing," "Hahaha!!! more like bribing..." and things of that
sort), mentioned Frodo's manners of speech. Aha, thought I, there is an
idea I can steal! -Credit for the original article idea goes to Xara,
though I haven't mentioned it before, and have deviated from the idea.-
So, perhaps not everyone agrees that Frodo was the greatest hobbit of
all time, or that the was the most essential figure in the demise of
the Ring, or even that had he a few pounds of instant coffee in his
pack the book would have been over in fifty pages instead of 1,170, but
it is more or less universally accepted that as far as hobbits go Frodo
was rather eloquent.
My search began for the essential Frodo quote or speech. Pearls of wisdom from the lips of a halfling. Granted, there were time constraints as I did not begin my search until the previous issue was resting comfortably in my archives folder. No worries there; the first book of The Lord of the Rings was almost as Frodo exclusive as this issue.
One week and two-hundred pages later I have for you... nothing. Yes, he speaks, but only ever to ask a question or make some small comment such as 'How terrifying!' An ideal listener, but not helping in this instance. Perhaps he has merely been unable to get a word in between the talkativeness of Gandalf, Farmer Maggot, Merry and Bombadil. There is hope yet.
Three days and one hundred pages later (five hundred and thirty-one pages later if you count the unrelated book read in the interim) there are more questions, a few brilliant retorts, and unspoken observations as well as random exclamations of fright or disbelief. Profound, eloquent statements? Not a one!
Time is running short with a single day left until the newsletter's release. I know well that there are many quotes throughout the book (unless they are another mass illusion), but they're certainly not here. Time's up. It's nine o' clock in the morning on the day on which the newsletter is due. This must be completed and I don't have any of the books with me for a quick cheating skim. It would seem that Frodo's greatest words are those he never speaks. Perhaps that is where the beauty of his vocal habits lies. Think on it... those who are known for their sheer talkativeness - Pippin, for example - have, when it comes down to it, very little to say. Frodo, on the other hand, seems to be in possession of a quietude so profound it seems to speak volumes.
But of course, when the author can see into your thoughts, who needs to speak aloud? Maybe Frodo was aware that he was a character in someone's novel. Hmm, that may be worth an article.
Later. For now I will allow silence.
The Silmarillion by JRR Tolkien
This Fortnight: Midnight Flower
Arwen rushed down the hall, tears blurring her vision. She knew she was in vaguely the right hallway, but she couldn't remember which was the door to her father's room. "Ada?" she called in a voice so thick with emotion that she couldn't even understand herself. She heard a familiar voice behind one of the doors and pulled it open, not really caring who saw her like this.
"Arwen? Gracious! What has happened?" Galadriel asked, hurriedly getting to her feet and rushing over to her granddaughter, who had just rushed into the room, sobbing.
"Arwen?" both Celeborn and Gandalf, who had been speaking with Galadriel before Arwen's appearance.
"Arwen, tell me, what is wrong?" Galadriel ignored them. When her granddaughter did not answer, she looked to Celeborn, "Do you think that you could?" she did not finish her sentence as he nodded.
"Of course. I will find Elrond and Elessar." he answered her unspoken request and left.
"Arwen, tell us what has happened," Gandalf spoke up, concerned at seeing Elrond's daughter in such a state. Galadriel was still trying to soothe her, barely understanding a few of the words Arwen was attempting to say. Galadriel glanced over to Gandalf and shook her head. Arwen would tell them when she could. No use in pushing her.
"Elrond?" Celeborn's deep voice caught his son-in-law's
"Yes?" Elrond stood, putting down his book.
"Elrond, you are needed. Arwen came to my and Galadriel's quarters in tears." Celeborn watched as a look of worry crossed Elrond's typically stern face, before the elf took off at a near run. Celeborn watched him go for a second before turning to find Elessar, just as he'd said he would. Perhaps it was only Elessar that Arwen had been unable to find, but he doubted she would have been so upset if she'd merely lost her way again.
"Finally decided to join us, I see," Legolas teased his
friends as Novrion and Eiliandel entered the main hall. Eiliandel
promptly turned a deep shade of red. Legolas laughed at her as she
turned away. Novrion was about to step in to spare his wife anymore
embarrassment, but he saw a small smile play at her lips. She seemed to
think about something, and mouthed a few words to herself and the
candles near Legolas were blown out as she cast a spell.
"Alright, I get it, no more comments. Now will you relight the candles, please?" Legolas' voice came out of the dark. The candles flickered back to life, and Legolas was treated to the sight of both Eiliandel and Novrion trying to contain their laughter. "I'm sure you both found that highly entertaining," he muttered drily.
Novrion shrugged, "She may be now married, Legolas, but that is not going to stop her from spell casting," he smiled. Legolas cast him a dirty look as Eiliandel came to sit near him, holding a cup of tea.
"Tell me, Eiliandel, how do you like being married so far?" Legolas enjoyed annoying the enchantress.
"I like it fine. Perhaps you would care to ask my husband what he thinks," Eiliandel retorted.
Legolas glanced at Novrion, who gave him a look that warned the result would not be very polite if he was asked about his private life. "No, I think your answer will suffice." he said hastily. The was a small laugh from Novrion and Eiliandel smiled and the conversation turned to other things, that Legolas knew the other two would not mind talking about.
"Elessar?" Celeborn said as he walked into the man's study.
Three nobles, who were talking with Aragorn, stood up and looked at the
elf in surprise. He hadn't even bothered to knock, much less excuse
himself for interrupting.
"Lord Celeborn." Aragorn stood as the elf approached.
"Elessar, please, come with me, you are needed." Celeborn spoke with authority.
"What has happened?" he asked as he walked forward to join him.
"Arwen came to Galadriel and my chambers in tears," Celeborn repeated what he'd said to Elrond.
"She what? Is she alright? What happened to her?" Aragorn looked at him in concern.
Celeborn held up his hand, "She appears to be unharmed, and why she is upset, I do not know. I sent Elrond to her already." Aragorn nodded and picked up his pace, hurrying to get to her.
Galadriel looked up as Elrond burst through the door to the
room with a great speed. "Elrond," she looked up at her son-in-law,
"She has not said what is wrong." she looked at her granddaughter,
who's face was still tear-stained.
"Arwen," Elrond gathered his daughter in an embrace, "Arwen, what is wrong?" he asked his only daughter in a soft tone.
"Ada," Arwen's voice was still slurred, "Ada, they were so scathing about her! Why were they so mean?" she was so upset.
"Said what about whom, Arwen? Who was mean?" Elrond tried to get her to answer, but at that moment, Aragorn rushed in, followed closely by Celeborn.
"Arwen!" Aragorn rushed forward. He stopped as he saw her in her father's protective embrace, and hung back. Elrond then did something that surprised all in the room - he stepped forward and pressed his beloved daughter into the arms of her lover. Aragorn did not hesitate to hold her tightly, wrapping one arm around her frame and putting his other hand behind her head to press her as close as he could. Arwen clung to him, feeling very reassured to have Aragorn, her father and her grandparents as well as Gandalf there.
"Arwen, please, tell us what happened." Elrond tried again.
"They ... they were talking about me. They said that they didn't know how Estel could love me - that I am just a pretty..." Arwen wiped at her tears and struggled to remember what they'd said, "Pretty..." she shook her head.
"Pretty face?" Aragorn supplied what he knew to be a common phrase, but he knew she'd have never heard before.
"Yes, yes. They said that and then they said that they'd seen who was coming to the wedding and that Nana's name wasn't on the list! Ada, they said she wouldn't have aprroved - about Nana!" she burst into tears again. Aragorn tightened his embrace, knowing how much that subject hurt her. He looked up to see Elrond glaring in anger and Celeborn putting a hand on Galadriel's shoulder to help her sit, shock and pain mingling on the lady of light's face. After a moment, Elrond glanced over to Galadriel, who caught the unspoken request in his eyes. She stood up and walked over to her granddaughter.
"Arwen, I think it is time for you to go and rest," Galadriel said, taking a hold of her arm. Arwen looked at her slightly confused, but let go of Aragorn and went with her grandmother willingly.
Once his daughter was far enough out of earshot, Elrond turned to Aragorn, "Just who was she with this morning? he asked.
Aragorn looked at Elrond, "I think that Eowyn came to get her to go and talk with the ladies of the court." he said, trying to remember where he'd seen her go.
Elrond's face darkened, "Then that is whom we will speak with." he said, and breezed out of the room, followed closely by Aragorn and Celeborn as well as Gandalf.
"Oh, yes, that is quite well crafted," Legolas observed as he
examined the ring that Novrion had given Eiliandel. Eiliandel sat
patiently letting him hold onto her hand and turn it in whatever
direction he wanted. A simple band of silver wound around her finger, a
faint design engraved in the band, but none that Legolas could
recognize. He looked up from the scrutiny of her ring to her face,
"What does this design stand for?" he asked.
Novrion glanced at Eiliandel, who merely smiled. "It is one common to the Realm," he answered simply.
"I have never been to the Realm," Legolas admitted, "I know nothing of what is common or not to you."
"Oh," Eiliandel looked up at him, "Truly never?" she had an odd look on her face.
"Truly never," Legolas affirmed, "Why?"
"I could have sworn I saw you there once," Eiliandel replied, startling both her husband and Legolas.
"Saw me? No, no. You must have been mistaken," Legolas smiled at her.
Eiliandel shook her head, "No. I saw someone just like you - excpet maybe not with such a warrior's build," she said. She was silent for a moment before she suddenly looked up and smiled, "You are right. It wasn't you. It was your father that I saw."
"My father?" Legolas looked at her, "I cannot recall him ever planning to go to the Realm."
"It was during the battle with Sauron he came, you wouldn't have been there." Eiliandel said, now remembering the whole thing.
Legolas shook his head, "Well, he certainly never mentioned that! Now, about this design, which, mind you, he didn't mention either."
Novrion gave a laugh and then leaned forward in his seat, "The design is that of running water - like a stream. The Realm has many springs and lakes near it, and water is a common theme," he explained. Legolas looked interested and went back to studying the ring, Eiliandel amazing remaining perfectly still, even though it was obvious she had lost interest in the current goings on.
"Arwen!" Eowyn heard a soft feminine voice speaking elvish and
hurried towards it. She rounded the corner to nearly run into Arwen and
a tall, golden haired woman, who was speaking to her. "Arwen, I was -
oh," she stopped speaking suddenly as she saw the other woman. The
golden haired woman looked up and Eowyn felt as though she was a small
child having interrupted the adults in an important conversation. "I
beg your pardon," Eowyn said quietly.
"It is alright," the golden haired woman - no elf, Eowyn realized, said calmly. Eowyn looked at her and wondered if she ever raised her voice - she seemed as though she was perfectly serene and never experienced any other emotion. "What did you have to say?" she asked.
"I ... I came to find Arwen," Eowyn said, looking over to Arwen, who's tearstained face told her why she had run off, "I came to tell her that the other ladies should be ignored - that they went too far."
"From what I have heard, they have," the elf said evenly, Arwen not even looking up from the spot she was staring at on the floor. "To speak of one's queen-to-be as such is one thing, but to slight her mother, my daughter, is unusual indeed. Tell me, why did they say this?" the elf's gaze was suddenly intense. Eowyn re-played the sentence in her head and suddenly realized what she'd heard. The woman had just said her daughter, Arwen's mother - she was speaking to Arwen's grandmother. The realization hit her quickly and she tried to remember all the manners she'd ever been taught.
"Forgive me for saying this, my lady, but they do not think that..." Eowyn bit her lip and looked away.
"Think what?" Arwen's grandmother still looked perfectly calm, but there was a core to her voice that warned Eowyn that this woman was far more than what she appeared.
"They think that an elf would only marry a mortal if she could not marry one of her own. They think that Arwen's mother is not coming because she does not approve." Eowyn said, closing her eyes as she said the last part. She opened them to see the sapphire eyes of both elves looking at her sadly. She found herself feeling sad for them and wanted to take it all back, so that the hurt would leave their faces, but it had been said.
"Then they are ignorant to put such thoughts in the same sentence as my daughter," the elf said softly and then the two elves suddenly hurried off, leaving Eowyn standing in the hall, more confused than she'd ever been.
"Aragorn, I wish for you to handle this as you wish. I would
like to go in there and settle the score for both my wife and daughter,
but..." Elrond looked sternly at the man who was to become his
son-in-law, "You should handle this. I am leaving my daughter here with
you - her honour is yours to defend. Not mine anymore." Aragorn stared
at him. After all Elrond had said against Arwen's decision to stay and
their plans for marriage, he was now suddenly letting go. "You make her
happy, Aragorn. There is again a light in her eyes that vanished when
Celebrian left. I want for Arwen to be happy - and if you can give that
to her, then I will not stand in your way." Elrond looked at him, "I
know I tried to stop you many times. But seeing Arwen as she was when
you were gone, and then seeing her when she saw you at your coronation
- I do not want for her to ever be as she was when you were gone," he
said honestly. Aragorn nodded and gave him a half smile-half nod of
understanding. Then he turned, and with Elrond, Celeborn and Gandalf
behind him, he headed into the room that was filled with the sounds of
the ladies of the court talking.
"If I may have your attention." Aragorn said loudly and firmly as he entered the room. Conversation came to a halt as the women saw the king, flanked by two stern looking elves and a well known wizard, enter the room. "It has come to my attention that you do not like the fact that the woman I love happens to be an elf."
"Well, my lord," one nervous sounding voice started up, but he held up a hand and the sentence was never finished.
"It was also brought to my attention that you made remarks concerning her mother. I will not tell you what you can and cannot gossip about, but I will say that that subject is not one you will ever discuss in front of me, Arwen, or any of Minas Tirith!" he was glaring at them, "I may have never met Arwen's mother, but I know that my being mortal would not have mattered to her."
"And how do you know this?" one bold woman spoke up. Aragorn merely indicated to Elrond, who caught his motion, and was only too glad to oblige.
"He knows, because I have told him of my wife. She would have more than given her blessings." Elrond's voice soften when he mentioned her, but the look on his face didn't change. Aragorn had seen that look many a time as a child - usually right after he'd been caught after causing trouble - and he was fairly certain he knew what the ladies of the court were thinking. An angry Elrond was perhaps the most unnerving thing he had ever seen - and he doubted that that fact would be missed by them.
"Now, I overheard earlier you pressing Arwen as to whom she would pick to be her ladies-in-waiting, and I think after tonight, that our choice has been made." Aragorn said, feeling his temper rise as he thought of how upset Arwen must still be, "I excuse you all from my company, and that of Arwen. She has no need to be surrounded by people who would do as you have."
A look of shock was on each of the women's faces as they looked at him. "But, my king, are you certain that..." the bold one spoke up again.
"Yes. Now, go back to whatever it was that you were doing. If it is mentioned to me by Arwen, or if word comes another way, that you do not heed what I have said, I will excuse you from the entire court of Minas Tirith." Aragorn allowed for his anger to be heard. He meant it. He was having a hard time not excusing them right now. With murmurs of aquiesence, the women hurried out of the room, leaving Aragorn, Elrond, Celeborn and Gandalf standing at the other door.
"That is perhaps the best move that has been made by a king of Gondor in quite some time," Gandalf observed suddenly. Celeborn hid a smile in repsonse to the old man's dry humour. Elrond shook his head and then looked over to Aragorn.
"I know what you want to do, so do it., he said, shaking his head. With a nod, Aragorn rushed off in the direction of Arwen's quarters.
Q: Who, in Prongsie's opinion, suffered mental pain
after receiving an injury while filming LotR?
Q: Where is Nienna taking that penguin?
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