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Your source for Lord of the Rings News, Updates, Poetry, Art, Parody and Satire.
Issue 37, Volume 2, September 17th, 2004.
Staff:
Editors: Perian, Xara.
Primary Reporter: Ivy.
Chief Correspondent: Prongs.
Contributor(s): Elfish Emma, Mike.
Find past archives or contribute at http://inili.iwarp.com/
Alliteration for Frodo Fans
By Xara
With thanks to Elfish Emma
If you reader can make sense of this, you're smarter than I am!
Frodo fought fearsome foes for friends, family, fiddles. Fans for fantasy follow Frodo's fate fervently feeling for fellow faultless fairer. Frodo's fellowship favoured fatality for filthy, ferocious felons. Feckless fiends futilely fueled fires for for fortuitous findings. Fate favoured Frodo, flinging foes frightfully forcefully from Frodo's future furlong. Far from friends Frodo finding fortune fickle forsook fealty for fascinating festoonment. Fortunately fish finder fought ferociously falling feebly facing fiery finality. Farewell.
Frodo From Middle-earth … Meet Frodo From
Planet Earth
By Prongsie
So, what would happen if Frodo was alive today? What if he
was living among us … close by us? What if one of us conversed with him
everyday but just did not realize that it was him? *sigh* … if only,
think Perian and Xara. Ah, but what if Frodo was living on Planet Earth
… what would he be doing today?
*Frodo walks into a huge lecture hall* “I would like to welcome
you all to HIS101: Canadian History.” Hey, this is my article and if I
want him to live in Canada, he will ... so shush! *Frodo beings to
lecture in a quiet, yet interesting manner* Among his zealous students
are two over-eager girls … let’s call them Perian and Xara, shall we? …
who stare in a trance-like state, “Oh, isn’t he so dreamy? He’s so
interesting. Oh my Gosh – he furrowed his brow – cuuuuuuute!” Once the
lecture is over, Frodo … er, I mean … Professor Frodo remains at the
podium, explaining events and concepts to the students who stay behind.
When he finally finishes up, he walks back to his tiny office to
prepare material for the next course that he will be teaching – HIS317:
Canada At War. After a few hours of lecturing in much the same manner,
he is accosted by several of his fellow historians. They argue for some
time over which dining establishment they should visit, and finally
settle on Tim Horton’s©. “Tall decaf, double the sweetener, double
the cream, hold the froth,” he barks at the pimple-faced youth behind
the counter. Looks like Frodo has lost his love for the liquor … oh
well, times change I suppose. The professors exchange news and share
their opinions on current events, until Frodo glances at his watch and
decides to leave in order to prepare for his final lecture, HIS320: The
First Canadian Settlers.
After entertaining his students, he walks back to his office and
is just planning on going home when his close friends, Professors Leila
Wood and Jacqui Dent of the English Department, stop by and invite him
out for drinks. Oh, I’m sorry – did I say that Frodo had stopped
drinking – I guess I lied. Someone should remind Frodo that drinking on
an empty stomach is not a good idea … but he’s a big boy, he knows what
he’s doing (We can only hope – Rob). So, it is at a bar with two lovely
ladies that we leave our dear Frodo … er, I mean Professor Baggins …
until the next time we decide to check in with him … cheers!
Frodo in the Middle
By Xara
Frodo of the fellowship was an unusual hobbit, always being
attacked by evil creatures and nearly dying under the spears of goblin
chiefs. He constantly complained of ring fatigue and withdrew from his
companions before eventually running away. Strange behaviour for a
member of that fun-loving mirthful race, the hobbits, what could have
caused it? Tolkien laid all the blame on the evil power of the Ring and
Frodo's sense of responsibility and dread of what lay ahead of him. But
could that really explain it all away? I think in light of such strange
and mysterious behaviour we should look to other things for the cause.
In order to solve this mystery I began to look at the ages of
the other members of the fellowship. First there was Gandalf, well, who
knows how old he was, as old as Middle Earth itself, let's just say ten
million for the record. Next, Legolas. No one knows precisely how old
he was either, but it is generally accepted he's more than a thousand.
Gimli the dwarf, by the dates, was a whopping 140, and Aragorn, as
Eowyn so shockingly discovered in the extended edition, was 87.
Boromir, though believed by most to be in his twenties, was actually
41, Samwise 38, Merry 36 and Pippin just 29. Which puts Frodo, at the
age of 50, directly in the middle.
Aha! Could it be that perhaps therein lies the problem? Could it
be, that Frodo's behaviour was actually just a bad case of middle child
syndrome? Yes, it seems unlikely, especially as none of the fellowship
shared the same parents at all, but just take a moment to consider. His
complaints that the ring was increasing in weight, dragging at him,
sapping his strength. That he could feel the Eye of Sauron searching,
probing the lands for him. Consider, yes, consider carefully. Could
this really have been classic, attention-seeking behaviour from a
hobbit, placed by his age in neither the elder nor the younger
category, who felt left out and unwanted?
Now, if we are to accept this theory, more things begin to make
sense. It could be that all the evil creatures that attacked Frodo on
his journey with the fellowship, were not drawn to him by the power of
the ring, but actually encouraged to attack by the middle hobbit
himself, in order to get some much craved attention. I'm sure a goblin
chief wouldn't take much persuasion, a good, "Hey you! Stinky breath!"
should have been enough to ensure the ugly brute would try to skewer
him. And did not Frodo's foot slip into the water outside Moria? It is
generally accepted that the stones of Merry and Pippin (or Boromir
really, if you go by the book) were what roused the watcher in the
water, but could it be that it had already been awoken by that
seemingly accidental hobbit foot?
We cannot tell for certain of course, but I believe there is
enough evidence for this theory not to be ruled out when considering
Frodo's behaviour during his time in the fellowship. Was this just a
classic case of middle child syndrome? Who knows...
The Sound of Silence
By Perian
Frodo issue! Woot! For once a theme which I, as a
well-established Frodo fanatic, should have no trouble whatsoever with.
Even so, there is much about him which has been covered already. What
is left? Then my co-editor, while we were exchanging official
newsletter business e-mails ("Perian pokes, prods, and cajoles the
subscribers out of their hobbit-like quietude and onto the road to
contributing," "Hahaha!!! more like bribing..." and things of that
sort), mentioned Frodo's manners of speech. Aha, thought I, there is an
idea I can steal! -Credit for the original article idea goes to Xara,
though I haven't mentioned it before, and have deviated from the idea.-
So, perhaps not everyone agrees that Frodo was the greatest hobbit of
all time, or that the was the most essential figure in the demise of
the Ring, or even that had he a few pounds of instant coffee in his
pack the book would have been over in fifty pages instead of 1,170, but
it is more or less universally accepted that as far as hobbits go Frodo
was rather eloquent.
My search began for the essential Frodo quote or speech. Pearls
of wisdom from the lips of a halfling. Granted, there were time
constraints as I did not begin my search until the previous issue was
resting comfortably in my archives folder. No worries there; the first
book of The Lord of the Rings was almost as Frodo exclusive as this
issue.
One week and two-hundred pages later I have for you... nothing.
Yes, he speaks, but only ever to ask a question or make some small
comment such as 'How terrifying!' An ideal listener, but not helping in
this instance. Perhaps he has merely been unable to get a word in
between the talkativeness of Gandalf, Farmer Maggot, Merry and
Bombadil. There is hope yet.
Three days and one hundred pages later (five hundred and
thirty-one pages later if you count the unrelated book read in the
interim) there are more questions, a few brilliant retorts, and
unspoken observations as well as random exclamations of fright or
disbelief. Profound, eloquent statements? Not a one!
Time is running short with a single day left until the
newsletter's release. I know well that there are many quotes throughout
the book (unless they are another mass illusion), but they're certainly
not here. Time's up. It's nine o' clock in the morning on the day
on which the newsletter is due. This must be completed and I don't
have any of the books with me for a quick cheating skim. It
would seem that Frodo's greatest words are those he never speaks.
Perhaps that is where the beauty of his vocal habits lies. Think on
it... those who are known for their sheer talkativeness - Pippin, for
example - have, when it comes down to it, very little to say. Frodo, on
the other hand, seems to be in possession of a quietude so profound it
seems to speak volumes.
But of course, when the author can see into your thoughts, who
needs to speak aloud? Maybe Frodo was aware that he was a character in
someone's novel. Hmm, that may be worth an article.
Later. For now I will allow silence.
Reviews.
The Silmarillion by JRR Tolkien
By Xara.
Fanfiction.
This Fortnight: Midnight Flower
By Cerridwen
Part II.
Arwen rushed down the hall, tears blurring her vision. She knew she was in vaguely the right hallway, but she couldn't remember which was the door to her father's room. "Ada?" she called in a voice so thick with emotion that she couldn't even understand herself. She heard a familiar voice behind one of the doors and pulled it open, not really caring who saw her like this.
"Arwen? Gracious! What has happened?" Galadriel asked, hurriedly
getting to her feet and rushing over to her granddaughter, who had just
rushed into the room, sobbing.
"Arwen?" both Celeborn and Gandalf, who had been speaking with
Galadriel before Arwen's appearance.
"Arwen, tell me, what is wrong?" Galadriel ignored them. When
her granddaughter did not answer, she looked to Celeborn, "Do you think
that you could?" she did not finish her sentence as he nodded.
"Of course. I will find Elrond and Elessar." he answered her
unspoken request and left.
"Arwen, tell us what has happened," Gandalf spoke up, concerned
at seeing Elrond's daughter in such a state. Galadriel was still trying
to soothe her, barely understanding a few of the words Arwen was
attempting to say. Galadriel glanced over to Gandalf and shook her
head. Arwen would tell them when she could. No use in pushing her.
"Elrond?" Celeborn's deep voice caught his son-in-law's
attention.
"Yes?" Elrond stood, putting down his book.
"Elrond, you are needed. Arwen came to my and Galadriel's
quarters in tears." Celeborn watched as a look of worry crossed
Elrond's typically stern face, before the elf took off at a near run.
Celeborn watched him go for a second before turning to find Elessar,
just as he'd said he would. Perhaps it was only Elessar that Arwen had
been unable to find, but he doubted she would have been so upset if
she'd merely lost her way again.
"Finally decided to join us, I see," Legolas teased his
friends as Novrion and Eiliandel entered the main hall. Eiliandel
promptly turned a deep shade of red. Legolas laughed at her as she
turned away. Novrion was about to step in to spare his wife anymore
embarrassment, but he saw a small smile play at her lips. She seemed to
think about something, and mouthed a few words to herself and the
candles near Legolas were blown out as she cast a spell.
"Alright, I get it, no more comments. Now will you relight the
candles, please?" Legolas' voice came out of the dark. The candles
flickered back to life, and Legolas was treated to the sight of both
Eiliandel and Novrion trying to contain their laughter. "I'm sure you
both found that highly entertaining," he muttered drily.
Novrion shrugged, "She may be now married, Legolas, but that is
not going to stop her from spell casting," he smiled. Legolas cast him
a dirty look as Eiliandel came to sit near him, holding a cup of tea.
"Tell me, Eiliandel, how do you like being married so far?"
Legolas enjoyed annoying the enchantress.
"I like it fine. Perhaps you would care to ask my husband what
he thinks," Eiliandel retorted.
Legolas glanced at Novrion, who gave him a look that warned the
result would not be very polite if he was asked about his private life.
"No, I think your answer will suffice." he said hastily. The was a
small laugh from Novrion and Eiliandel smiled and the conversation
turned to other things, that Legolas knew the other two would not mind
talking about.
"Elessar?" Celeborn said as he walked into the man's study.
Three nobles, who were talking with Aragorn, stood up and looked at the
elf in surprise. He hadn't even bothered to knock, much less excuse
himself for interrupting.
"Lord Celeborn." Aragorn stood as the elf approached.
"Elessar, please, come with me, you are needed." Celeborn spoke
with authority.
"What has happened?" he asked as he walked forward to join him.
"Arwen came to Galadriel and my chambers in tears," Celeborn
repeated what he'd said to Elrond.
"She what? Is she alright? What happened to her?" Aragorn looked
at him in concern.
Celeborn held up his hand, "She appears to be unharmed, and why
she is upset, I do not know. I sent Elrond to her already." Aragorn
nodded and picked up his pace, hurrying to get to her.
Galadriel looked up as Elrond burst through the door to the
room with a great speed. "Elrond," she looked up at her son-in-law,
"She has not said what is wrong." she looked at her granddaughter,
who's face was still tear-stained.
"Arwen," Elrond gathered his daughter in an embrace, "Arwen,
what is wrong?" he asked his only daughter in a soft tone.
"Ada," Arwen's voice was still slurred, "Ada, they were so
scathing about her! Why were they so mean?" she was so upset.
"Said what about whom, Arwen? Who was mean?" Elrond tried to get
her to answer, but at that moment, Aragorn rushed in, followed closely
by Celeborn.
"Arwen!" Aragorn rushed forward. He stopped as he saw her in her
father's protective embrace, and hung back. Elrond then did something
that surprised all in the room - he stepped forward and pressed his
beloved daughter into the arms of her lover. Aragorn did not hesitate
to hold her tightly, wrapping one arm around her frame and putting his
other hand behind her head to press her as close as he could. Arwen
clung to him, feeling very reassured to have Aragorn, her father and
her grandparents as well as Gandalf there.
"Arwen, please, tell us what happened." Elrond tried again.
"They ... they were talking about me. They said that they didn't
know how Estel could love me - that I am just a pretty..." Arwen wiped
at her tears and struggled to remember what they'd said, "Pretty..."
she shook her head.
"Pretty face?" Aragorn supplied what he knew to be a common
phrase, but he knew she'd have never heard before.
"Yes, yes. They said that and then they said that they'd seen
who was coming to the wedding and that Nana's name wasn't on the list!
Ada, they said she wouldn't have aprroved - about Nana!" she burst into
tears again. Aragorn tightened his embrace, knowing how much that
subject hurt her. He looked up to see Elrond glaring in anger and
Celeborn putting a hand on Galadriel's shoulder to help her sit, shock
and pain mingling on the lady of light's face. After a moment, Elrond
glanced over to Galadriel, who caught the unspoken request in his eyes.
She stood up and walked over to her granddaughter.
"Arwen, I think it is time for you to go and rest," Galadriel
said, taking a hold of her arm. Arwen looked at her slightly confused,
but let go of Aragorn and went with her grandmother willingly.
Once his daughter was far enough out of earshot, Elrond turned
to Aragorn, "Just who was she with this morning? he asked.
Aragorn looked at Elrond, "I think that Eowyn came to get her to
go and talk with the ladies of the court." he said, trying to remember
where he'd seen her go.
Elrond's face darkened, "Then that is whom we will speak with."
he said, and breezed out of the room, followed closely by Aragorn and
Celeborn as well as Gandalf.
"Oh, yes, that is quite well crafted," Legolas observed as he
examined the ring that Novrion had given Eiliandel. Eiliandel sat
patiently letting him hold onto her hand and turn it in whatever
direction he wanted. A simple band of silver wound around her finger, a
faint design engraved in the band, but none that Legolas could
recognize. He looked up from the scrutiny of her ring to her face,
"What does this design stand for?" he asked.
Novrion glanced at Eiliandel, who merely smiled. "It is one
common to the Realm," he answered simply.
"I have never been to the Realm," Legolas admitted, "I know
nothing of what is common or not to you."
"Oh," Eiliandel looked up at him, "Truly never?" she had an odd
look on her face.
"Truly never," Legolas affirmed, "Why?"
"I could have sworn I saw you there once," Eiliandel replied,
startling both her husband and Legolas.
"Saw me? No, no. You must have been mistaken," Legolas smiled at
her.
Eiliandel shook her head, "No. I saw someone just like you -
excpet maybe not with such a warrior's build," she said. She was silent
for a moment before she suddenly looked up and smiled, "You are right.
It wasn't you. It was your father that I saw."
"My father?" Legolas looked at her, "I cannot recall him ever
planning to go to the Realm."
"It was during the battle with Sauron he came, you wouldn't have
been there." Eiliandel said, now remembering the whole thing.
Legolas shook his head, "Well, he certainly never mentioned
that! Now, about this design, which, mind you, he didn't mention
either."
Novrion gave a laugh and then leaned forward in his seat, "The
design is that of running water - like a stream. The Realm has many
springs and lakes near it, and water is a common theme," he explained.
Legolas looked interested and went back to studying the ring, Eiliandel
amazing remaining perfectly still, even though it was obvious she had
lost interest in the current goings on.
"Arwen!" Eowyn heard a soft feminine voice speaking elvish and
hurried towards it. She rounded the corner to nearly run into Arwen and
a tall, golden haired woman, who was speaking to her. "Arwen, I was -
oh," she stopped speaking suddenly as she saw the other woman. The
golden haired woman looked up and Eowyn felt as though she was a small
child having interrupted the adults in an important conversation. "I
beg your pardon," Eowyn said quietly.
"It is alright," the golden haired woman - no elf, Eowyn
realized, said calmly. Eowyn looked at her and wondered if she ever
raised her voice - she seemed as though she was perfectly serene and
never experienced any other emotion. "What did you have to say?" she
asked.
"I ... I came to find Arwen," Eowyn said, looking over to Arwen,
who's tearstained face told her why she had run off, "I came to tell
her that the other ladies should be ignored - that they went too far."
"From what I have heard, they have," the elf said evenly, Arwen
not even looking up from the spot she was staring at on the floor. "To
speak of one's queen-to-be as such is one thing, but to slight her
mother, my daughter, is unusual indeed. Tell me, why did they say
this?" the elf's gaze was suddenly intense. Eowyn re-played the
sentence in her head and suddenly realized what she'd heard. The woman
had just said her daughter, Arwen's mother - she was speaking to
Arwen's grandmother. The realization hit her quickly and she tried to
remember all the manners she'd ever been taught.
"Forgive me for saying this, my lady, but they do not think
that..." Eowyn bit her lip and looked away.
"Think what?" Arwen's grandmother still looked perfectly calm,
but there was a core to her voice that warned Eowyn that this woman was
far more than what she appeared.
"They think that an elf would only marry a mortal if she could
not marry one of her own. They think that Arwen's mother is not coming
because she does not approve." Eowyn said, closing her eyes as she said
the last part. She opened them to see the sapphire eyes of both elves
looking at her sadly. She found herself feeling sad for them and wanted
to take it all back, so that the hurt would leave their faces, but it
had been said.
"Then they are ignorant to put such thoughts in the same
sentence as my daughter," the elf said softly and then the two elves
suddenly hurried off, leaving Eowyn standing in the hall, more confused
than she'd ever been.
"Aragorn, I wish for you to handle this as you wish. I would
like to go in there and settle the score for both my wife and daughter,
but..." Elrond looked sternly at the man who was to become his
son-in-law, "You should handle this. I am leaving my daughter here with
you - her honour is yours to defend. Not mine anymore." Aragorn stared
at him. After all Elrond had said against Arwen's decision to stay and
their plans for marriage, he was now suddenly letting go. "You make her
happy, Aragorn. There is again a light in her eyes that vanished when
Celebrian left. I want for Arwen to be happy - and if you can give that
to her, then I will not stand in your way." Elrond looked at him, "I
know I tried to stop you many times. But seeing Arwen as she was when
you were gone, and then seeing her when she saw you at your coronation
- I do not want for her to ever be as she was when you were gone," he
said honestly. Aragorn nodded and gave him a half smile-half nod of
understanding. Then he turned, and with Elrond, Celeborn and Gandalf
behind him, he headed into the room that was filled with the sounds of
the ladies of the court talking.
"If I may have your attention." Aragorn said loudly and firmly
as he entered the room. Conversation came to a halt as the women saw
the king, flanked by two stern looking elves and a well known wizard,
enter the room. "It has come to my attention that you do not like the
fact that the woman I love happens to be an elf."
"Well, my lord," one nervous sounding voice started up, but he
held up a hand and the sentence was never finished.
"It was also brought to my attention that you made remarks
concerning her mother. I will not tell you what you can and cannot
gossip about, but I will say that that subject is not one you will ever
discuss in front of me, Arwen, or any of Minas Tirith!" he was glaring
at them, "I may have never met Arwen's mother, but I know that my being
mortal would not have mattered to her."
"And how do you know this?" one bold woman spoke up. Aragorn
merely indicated to Elrond, who caught his motion, and was only too
glad to oblige.
"He knows, because I have told him of my wife. She would have
more than given her blessings." Elrond's voice soften when he mentioned
her, but the look on his face didn't change. Aragorn had seen that look
many a time as a child - usually right after he'd been caught after
causing trouble - and he was fairly certain he knew what the ladies of
the court were thinking. An angry Elrond was perhaps the most unnerving
thing he had ever seen - and he doubted that that fact would be missed
by them.
"Now, I overheard earlier you pressing Arwen as to whom she
would pick to be her ladies-in-waiting, and I think after tonight, that
our choice has been made." Aragorn said, feeling his temper rise as he
thought of how upset Arwen must still be, "I excuse you all from my
company, and that of Arwen. She has no need to be surrounded by people
who would do as you have."
A look of shock was on each of the women's faces as they looked
at him. "But, my king, are you certain that..." the bold one spoke up
again.
"Yes. Now, go back to whatever it was that you were doing. If it
is mentioned to me by Arwen, or if word comes another way, that you do
not heed what I have said, I will excuse you from the entire court of
Minas Tirith." Aragorn allowed for his anger to be heard. He meant it.
He was having a hard time not excusing them right now. With murmurs of
aquiesence, the women hurried out of the room, leaving Aragorn, Elrond,
Celeborn and Gandalf standing at the other door.
"That is perhaps the best move that has been made by a king of
Gondor in quite some time," Gandalf observed suddenly. Celeborn hid a
smile in repsonse to the old man's dry humour. Elrond shook his head
and then looked over to Aragorn.
"I know what you want to do, so do it., he said, shaking his
head. With a nod, Aragorn rushed off in the direction of Arwen's
quarters.
Newsletter Trivia.
Q: Who, in Prongsie's opinion, suffered mental pain
after receiving an injury while filming LotR?
Q: Where is Nienna taking that penguin?
In affiliation with All Things Lord of the Rings, with many thanks to all our staff and subscribers, and in unfailing if somewhat oddly displayed respect for J.R.R. Tolkien.