i Nili o i Ardanole Newsletter:

Your source for Lord of the Rings News, Updates, Poetry, Art, Parody and Satire.

Issue 39, Volume 2, October 15th, 2004.

Editors: Perian, Xara. 
Primary Reporter: Ivy.
Chief Correspondent: Prongs.
Contributor(s): Angel, Cerridwen, Diamond, Eowyn Evenstar, Padfoot.

In this issue:
Innocent Ringbearer or Bigamist? by Xara.
The History of the Present: The Baggins Triad by Perian with thanks to the alter-egos of Padfoot and Ivy.
What Is the Phial of Galadriel? by Ivy.
Deals in Middle-Earth by Prongsie.
Chronic Spontaneous Verse by Xara.
Perian's Personal Eight Wonders of the World by Eowyn Evenstar

In every issue:
Fanfiction: This Fortnight: Midnight Flower by Cerridwen, Part IV.
Ivy's Newsletter Trivia.
Xara's Random Fandom.
Ask Samwise.
Tolkienish, provided by Perian.
Next issue: P.J.


Innocent Ringbearer or Bigamist?
Frodo Baggins puts his foot in it again
By Xara.

  "What!?!" I hear you say, "I said, what!?!" And well you might. The conventional image of Frodo is that of a bachelor, not a bigamist. But let you be in no doubt, Frodo is far from bachelor. In order for you to understand this, before I begin, I shall recap the past two years for this not-so-innocent Baggins. It began at the beginning of last year, when, on an internet site called All Things Lord of the Rings, Frodo Baggins revealed he was still alive and well when the Dark Lordess Sauron emerged, claiming her Ring of Power had not been destroyed after all. During this time, Frodo too claimed that the Ring had not been destroyed, and that he had it in his possession, a matter hotly disputed by Sauron (for details, see: http://au.msnusers.com/allthingslordoftherings/interviewswithadarklordandahobbit.msnw). However the two eventually learned to overcome their differences and soon it was plain for all to see that a fondness was growing between them.
  Over a year ago now, on August 1st 2003, Sauron proposed to Frodo, who, to everyone's amazement, accepted. However Frodo later revealed that this was more out of fear of the Dark Lordess than love. "It was a rather harrowing ordeal at the time," said Frodo nine months after the wedding. Despite this, the wedding took place on 19th December 2003, but this is where it starts to get complicated. On the day of the wedding, Frodo's best man, Merry Brandybuck, revealed that she was actually a woman, Marry. Not only this, but Marry actually challenged the wedding and forced Frodo to choose whether he would marry Sauron or Marry. (For details, see: http://inili.iwarp.com/iss019.html)
  Frodo, again to everyone's shock, chose Sauron. However at the crucial moment the celebrant Fool of a Took disappeared, due, I believe, to problems with her internet, and so myself (as I had been invited to the role of flower girl) and Diamond, a guest, stepped in to complete the ceremony. However soon after the wedding, Frodo began to get cold feet, and so, on the grounds that neither myself or Diamond are actually certified celebrants, had his marriage to Sauron annulled on 21st December. He then eloped with Marry and they were married in Rivendell shortly afterwards, the exact date is uncertain.
  "So why?" I hear you say, "Are you claiming that Frodo is a bigamist?" Well, it's quite simple. Since his annulment with Sauron took place, startling new evidence has come to light suggested that the annulment was in fact unlawful. You see, they annulled on the grounds that neither myself, nor Diamond are certified celebrants. Well, I'm certainly not a celebrant... but Diamond is.
  Yes, you read correctly. Diamond of Long Cleeve recently revealed to this reporter in an exclusive interview that she is, "DEFINITELY a celebrant... They (Frodo and Sauron) are in fact married!" So how does this new evidence prove that Frodo is in fact still married to Sauron after all? Well, here we need to take a look at the final moments of the marriage itself. I have here a transcript of the marriage from the point at which myself and Diamond stepped in, to the marriage vows themselves. I must mention before I begin, that some parts have been cut out as they are irrelevant to the topic we are addressing. Comments from me to help you follow what is going on are marked in bold.

Frodo swallows hard.
Frodo: Is ... is there anyone who can fill in Tookie's place while she's gone? Who knows vows?
Di: I DO! NOT! but what the hell... Sauron do you take frodo?
Xara: er...I could stand in for Tookie until she comes back...
Xara: hehehe... I think Di offered first...
Di: You two would be much better... I don't like to have anything to do with this, I think Frodo made the wrong choice if you ask me.... (However after having said this Di proceeds with ceremony anyway, therefore this comment can be discounted)
Sauron: lol Di. Yes, I do! (you see here Sauron is clearly answering Di's former "Sauron do you take Frodo?")
Di: Ah what the hell... (Di retracts previous comment saying she wouldn't do it) and Frodo do you take Ivy?...I mean Sauron! DAMN THIS! (To avoid confusion, Ivy is actually Marry in this scene)
Frodo: Looks frantically around... You think so, Di?
Xara: No Frodo!!!!!!! she's tryin' to trick you!!!!!
Sauron: Di...
Frodo: Shouts in a state near to a nervous breakdown Yes, yes, I do!
Xara (a little belatedly): Can we just finish this off and have the reception? Frodo, say I do and you two kiss and then we can go to chat...
Marry: Turns around, eyes wide. WHAT?!
Di: Wait who do you take? Ivy or Sauron?
Xara: Frodo, do you take sauron? Now say I do...
Frodo: To... to ... what?! To Sauron, I think... (Now, it is clear here that Frodo is answering Di's comment about 'who do you take?'. Any argument that he was answering me is rendered meaningless by the fact that his reply simply doesn't fit my question.)
Xara: hehehehe
Frodo: I do! (Now true, Frodo could have been answering me there but he'd already answered Di with an 'I do' for Sauron before, therefore by this time he is already married to Sauron)
Di: No No not I think! I KNOW! Who is it? Sauron or Ivy?
Xara: Frodo, just kiss Sauron and lets have cake
Frodo: Frodo tears his hair out a bit... I do... reception, please...(again, here he is clearly answering Di's "Not I think! I KNOW! Who is it? Sauron or Ivy?") 
Xara: Ok reception! Everyone in chat!!!

  Now, you see how much confusion there was at that wedding? And that was an edited transcript! No wonder Frodo thought he wasn't really married! However, closer examination reveals that when you cut out the bits in which I attempt to unite the two in marriage, and Frodo appears to answer me, Frodo and Sauron have still quite clearly been married by Diamond. Let us take a look at the transcript again, this time only with the bits in which Frodo is clearly answering Diamond, not myself.

Frodo swallows hard.

Frodo: Is ... is there anyone who can fill in Tookie's place while she's gone? Who knows vows?
Di: I DO! NOT! but what the hell... Sauron do you take frodo?
Sauron: lol Di. Yes, I do!
Di: and Frodo do you take Ivy?... I mean Sauron! DAMN THIS!
Frodo: Looks frantically around... You think so, Di?
Xara: No Frodo!!!!!!! She's tryin' to trick you!!!!!
Sauron: Di...
Frodo: Shouts in a state near to a nervous breakdown Yes, yes, I do!
Marry: Turns around, eyes wide. WHAT?!
Di: Wait who do you take? Ivy or Sauron?
Frodo: To... to ... what?! To Sauron, I think...
Xara: hehehehe
Di: No No not I think! I KNOW! Who is it? Sauron or Ivy?
Xara: Frodo, just kiss Sauron and lets have cake.
Frodo: Frodo tears his hair out a bit... I do... reception, please...
Xara: ok reception! Everyone in chat!!!

  You see, Frodo and Sauron were clearly married by Diamond, who, as we now know, is a certified celebrant, making the marriage which took place nine months ago, legally binding. That's right everyone. Frodo is still married to Sauron. But, as I mentioned earlier, since the annulment, which we now know to be invalid, Frodo married Marry, and had a young daughter with her! Is Frodo a bigamist? I'm afraid that only answer to that question can be; yes.
  And so it seems once again Frodo is faced with that agonizing decision he had to make at his wedding. Sauron or Marry? Technically, Sauron is his legal wife, as he married her first, but will he want to return to her? And how would Sauron feel about it if he did? "I know in my heart that it would never ever work out. He has Marry and if I'm correct a daughter as well, and I would never ever want to break them up just because I still have some feelings for Frodo..."
  It looks like divorce is looming on the horizon for Frodo Baggins, and maybe more than that. Sauron's lawyer Lanola, who took care of their annulment, is known for her stringent adherence to the law. Will she be taking legal actions against this bigamist hobbit? I guess we're about to find out, and with Frodo's incredibly surprising history, quite frankly, nothing would surprise me

The History of the Present: The Baggins Triad

By Perian
with thanks to the alter-egos of Padfoot and Ivy.
  This will be explained in more detail at a later date, when what are known as the F.M. Chronicles are condensed, put in chronological order, and, ahem, edited for content. Even so, the names and events involved in the Baggins Triad can become confusing for the casual reader, so I will first attempt to provide you with a brief outline of what led our beloved alter-egos to this point.
  Marry's is possibly the most complex point of the love triangle. Many of you may even wonder how Merry became a Marry at all. Her tale is this: The eastern marches of the Shire are a wild and hostile country, prone to invasion by beast and tree, and the first land which the Shadow in the East might touch should it spread to the westerly wilds. Buckland has always been ruled by someone who can defend his people against these numerous threats; a strong patriarch and a warrior of the Fallohide line. If you glance at the Brandybuck family tree there was something of an infertile phase during the last half-century of the Third Age. The only make of the line for thirty-nine years was Frodo; a Baggins and a Hobbiton halfling by birth. By the time Marry came along the parents of a boy named Merimas from an obscure branch of the family had come forth to claim the title, and the descendants of Rorimac were desperate. They hid her identity that their line might not fail as the ruling family of Buckland. Marry played the part of Meriadoc well, and even her closest friends did not suspect that she might be a female until she confided in them years later. It is even rumoured that after Frodo walked in on her applying makeup he took up the habit himself instead of seeing her for what she was.
  Fast forward a few millennia. Marry was happily wed to Estello Bolger, and mother to a bright young lad named Halimore. Frodo was recently returned from the West, wandering Middle-earth. Sauron was increasing her popularity with interviews, and, well, whatever else Sauron does. This peace was not to last, however. Morgoth, possibly taking revenge on Sauron's behalf for the mayhem Marry caused in the Third Age, took her husband and son captive. Soon rumour spread that they had been slain in his keeping. This traumatic event was eclipsed by the announcement of the engagement of Sauron to the most unlikely creature imaginable - Frodo Baggins of the Shire. Marry hid her fear for her family, her rage and her grief, from her friend, rationalizing to herself that Sauron was not to blame for her woes. Her fears resurfaced when Sauron revealed to her that the proposal to Frodo was not originally an expression of love, but a plot to further her own ambitions. Seeming to sense this, Frodo soon ran to his childhood companion with the worries he held - that Sauron might have ulterior motives, or that even if she did not, what was to stop her from lopping off his head on a bad day? The interdependence and closeness which the hobbits had felt early on during the War of the Ring was rekindled.
  You have read of what occurred on the day of the long-anticipated wedding. Soon after Frodo and Marry eloped in Rivendell. After a year or so of travels throughout Middle-earth (what were to the best of their knowledge) the Bagginses settled down in Crickhollow, Buckland. Learning of the plight of Marry's former family, Frodo risked the wrath of Mordor to enquire to his former fiancee about the Bolgers' whereabouts. Estello's death was confirmed, but Sauron discovered a very much alive, if emotionally traumatized, Halimore. The Dark Lordess helped the boy to escape to Ithilien, where he spent several months serving as esquire to Prince Faramir and Lady Eowyn. When he returned to his home it was to a very teary welcome from his mother, as well as an unexpected and unknown new family: Frodo, and a tiny Tari Rosemary, Hali's half-sister, born March 25 of that year.
  Eight years went by, not without mishap, before the startling truth was revealed: Frodo and Sauron were, and still are, married.
  The reactions from the trio were strong, to say the least. "I think I fainted," said Marry. "I do remember a slap, though... I think I slapped him. Other than that, I was out cold. From shock, mostly. Shock and fear. And anger for the few minutes that I thought Frodo knew he was still married to her... But mostly shock." Apparently she wasn't the only one out cold. That slap, combined with the fear he felt thinking about what revenge Sauron might take on him for his past actions left Frodo senseless for some time. Sauron's reaction, in unanticipated contrast, was somewhat more mild. "What were your feelings on the matter when it was revealed to you that you are, in fact, Mrs. Baggins?" I asked, to which she replied, "Well... mostly shock, and also guilt... I feel bad for Frodo." It would seem his fear was groundless.
  Or not.
  While Sauron may have taken the matter relatively lightly, her followers were less than pleased. One of the remaining eight nazgul heard the news and decided to take matters into its own gauntlets to save its master from any shame which might arise from the actions of the dishonourable Baggins and his wraith-slaying paramour. It rode out to Crickhollow at dawn, when the couple was fortunately not at home. There it was turned away by Halimore. Frodo and Marry fled the Shire, this time as a diversion, that the vindictive wraith might not discover the identity of the children. "We do have our suspicions it is related to the events that have occurred as of late. We're hoping to rectify the situation... As quickly as possible," said Marry, and rectified it was, though perhaps not so easily as they would have liked. After several weeks of running, Frodo engaged the nazgul in battle near the Trollshaws. He is now in recovery in Rivendell. Do not misconstrue this attack as coming from Sauron, however. "Sauron would never try to kill us," said Frodo. "You have to understand her mind. There's no power to gain in it, and further she would lose two quite powerful allies. I would never put murder past her, but this is too foolish an act to blame upon the Dark Lordess." Marry seemed even more trusting of Sauron: "Sauron did save Halimore, and I am forever in her debt. We've been on friendly terms since I found out [that Sauron and Frodo are still married], and I sincerely hope this doesn't change it. She's a wonderful friend, but also not someone you really want as an enemy, as I do recall a time when we were. [I'm not afraid] of Sauron, as odd as that might sound. But of her minions? And Morgoth? My dear, I am absolutely terrified." Moreover, Sauron seemed quite free of malice related to her suddenly ended marriage ("I was a bit sad, but then I was happy for Marry and Frodo") or the fact that she is still Sauron Baggins, as she was heard to have said that she thought Frodo had no idea what so ever that he was still married to her.
  Marry agrees. "Do you think that Frodo had any idea when he proposed to you that he was taken already?" "I think you need to ask Frodo," Marry replied, but then added, "I, for one, don't think so. He wouldn't have asked otherwise."
  So I posed the question to Frodo. "The evidence is quite clear. How could you not have known you were already married?" "You must understand," he replied with a hint of desperation in his voice, "I come from a time when lawyers had yet to walk upright, and oathbreakers were cursed; a much simpler fate than facing the court system. And facing Hali." This concern was echoed by Marry in separate interview as she discussed the impact it would have on the family: "I think my daughter is going to be very, very confused as to the fact of if she is a Baggins or not. I think my son will think Frodo knew and try to take his head off, but I'm here to make sure that doesn't happen. Hopefully." When I brought up what Marry had said about their daughter, Tari, he shook his head sadly. "She's very upset about this, and I for her. It may be something which occurs often with the big folk, but in the Shire she's going to be shunned for years if this isn't cleared up quickly."
  What happens now? Is there any validity to the rumour that a fiasco like this, if the divorce does not go as planned, will be enough to drive Marry to the hobbit who is publicly accepted as being her childhood sweetheart, Peregrin Took? "Och, you give me a headache just mentioning the name." At this point Marry paused to rub her forehead. "Peregrin Took is married and his wife is about to have his first child. I think the answer to that is a very large and gargantuan NO." Will it damage the unusual camaraderie which has developed between Sauron and Marry? "I hope not. Marry is an awesome hobbit."
  Even so, Marry is the grounds on which Sauron will now be officially terminating her relationship with Frodo. And then? "My plans? Well, marry Frodo (Really, this time) and go back to our normal (if you can call them that) lives," said Marry. This is the single point in this whole affair which the hobbits seemed ecstatic about. "We haven't set a date," said Frodo. "There's no need to. As soon as a few matters are cleared up, wherever we are and whenever it is will be perfect."
  Marry shared his enthusiasm. "I know this is an odd question, as you have been unofficially married to the same person before, but are you looking forward to your upcoming wedding?" I asked her. "Of course! That was one of the best days of my life! Why not do it again?" she replied with a grin.
  And so another epic comes to a close. Or does it? The story never ends, though the characters may come and go in the telling. Perhaps we will here from them again before the end.

What Is the Phial of Galadriel?
By Ivy.

  Anyone who had read The Lord of the Rings or seen the films might say Frodo is a hero. He took the Ring when no one else would, trekked across Middle-earth, and finally (well, with a push and a shove from a 'friend', so to speak) overcame the temptation and cast it away. And, like any hero in any story , Frodo is gifted with things to help him on his quest. Sting, for example, the sword that glows when orcs are close. He has protective vest, made of mithril, the finest and perhaps most rare metal in Middle-earth. But there was something else gifted to him, and it is not one so obvious. The Phial of Galadriel.
  Given to him by Galadriel herself, the Phial was small and filled with the water from her magical fountain. Seeming insignificant and not mentioned for most of the book, and not seen at all in the film from the time it was given to Frodo in The Fellowship of the Ring to the time he uses it against Shelob in The Return of the King. It, though, may be the most important of all of the hobbit's gifts.
  The water from the Phial, Galadriel had explained to Frodo, had caught the light of a star. The star was actually one of the Silmarils, and one that was linked to the story a man named Earendil. In short, Earendil made a long and dangerous journey across the sea to ask the Valar to end a war. The light of the Silmaril helped him to find his way, and the Valar were so impressed with him that they granted his wish and then immortalized him in the stars with his Silmaril. That light in the sky was then thought to bring hope to whomever saw it.
  Rather like Earendil and his Silmaril, the Galadriel's gift gave Frodo and Sam hope - not to mention a lot of help - when they were trapped in Shelob's lair. Its light drove away the darkness that had surrounded them and brought them new hope. So what is the Phial of Galadriel, you wonder? A gift from the stars.

Deals in Middle-Earth
By Prongsie

  The radio was on in my room one evening … I was paying more attention to U2’s new single “Vertigo” than I was to the paper that I was supposed to be writing. A few minutes later, the song ended … *sigh* … good song … and the advertisements were played. Yuck. Then I heard something that made me bounce up and down with glee: Swiss Chalet, a relatively swanky restaurant, was offering a dinner-and-a-movie deal for $13 per person. I did some rapid calculation – less than $30 for a romantic dinner for two and a movie! Sweet! And that got me thinking … Frodo was dang lucky that there were so many people in Middle-Earth who were willing to help him get to Mordor for nothing.  Of course, it was also in their best interest to see the Ring destroyed and Sauron vanquished, but what if they weren’t so generous? What if Frodo had to make bargains with everyone in order to get to the fires of Mount Doom?
  I will begin to prove my point by talking about Gandalf the Grey. This has absolutely nothing to do with Frodo’s journey to Mordor. Rather, it has to do with his and Bilbo’s birthday celebrations. Gandalf, if you will remember correctly, provided the hobbits with a huge selection of excellent fireworks to entertain their guests with. Did Gandalf talk payment with these hobbits — money in exchange for fireworks? No, he did not. But what if he did?! What if he was a selfish old prune who told Bilbo and Frodo that they could only have his excellent creations if they paid him a massive amount of gold? Well that would make him both greedy and a bad friend … and we would not have been introduced to the antics of Merry and Pippin, which would have been a shame.
  Moving from the Shire to Bree, where the four Hobbits first encountered Strider, the Ranger … Aragorn, the King Elessar – a stranger who volunteered to lead them to Rivendell. Volunteer … ah, but what if hadn’t volunteered? What if he asked the hobbits for something in return for guiding them to the Realm of the Elves? What would they have given him? The loaf of bread in Frodo’s pack? Their beloved pipe-weed? Or even worse! Their mushrooms?! Wow, it’s a good think that hunky, scruffy Ranger was so generous with them, eh? Who knows what would have happened to the hobbits had he not been there.
  In Rivendell, we have yet another example of generosity. Master Elrond took the four Hobbits in … he left Frodo in a large, beautiful room to rest and recover from his wounds. Rather like a hospital, just with better food, I think. Anyway, Elrond himself expertly took care of Frodo’s wounds, all the while asking for nothing in return. Don’t you wish your health care professional was that generous? Ah, but what if Elrond turned out to be like all other health care professionals? “Frodo, you are almost cured. You should rest some more, and take this medication and you will feel fine. However, I must warn you that every year, on October the 6th, you will feel nauseous and sick because of this wound.” “Thanks you Master Elrond, for all your help.” “Oh it’s not a problem, Frodo my lad … now, here’s my bill.” Aaaak! A good “doctor” like Elrond, he’s bound to be expensive … what would poor Frodo have done to pay his medical bills? Auctioned off Bag-End? I will leave you to think these horrible thoughts.
  I could go on, you know; Galadriel and her gifts (expecially the Star-Light and Elven rope – expensive shift), and Merry and Pippin at Isengard with their pork … oh, how they could torture Gimli! However, I think that this is enough to horrify you with for now. I’m just grateful that there were good people in Middle-earth who were willing to help out a Hobbit in need. We should all be so lucky.


Chronic Spontaneous Verse
By Xara

  My good readers, friends and foes of Middle Earth alike, your health is in danger! A ancient but highly infectious plague is sweeping once again across the face of the earth. That's right! We read about it in The Lord of the Rings and thought that such an infection amongst the good and innocent hobbits had well and truly died out before our time but we were wrong. It is here, on this very site, in this very newsletter, this very reporter has been infected by it. It is called Chronic Spontaneous Verse and even now it is sweeping through our community.
  Before I continue, let me recount to you the history of CSV. It seems it was Bilbo who first brought CSV to The Shire. As his first adventure arrived so unexpectedly on his doorstep, there would have been no time for Bilbo to see his local GP and receive the appropriate inoculations for a trip to Erebor and back again. It was therefore undoubtedly somewhere on his travels that he picked the infection up, as by the time he returned to his humble hobbit-hole he was spouting verses such as "The Road Goes Ever On..." at every possible opportunity. And once CSV arrived in The Shire, it was impossible to stop it's spread.
  When Frodo entered Bilbo's hole as a permanent resident, it was not long before he too become infected with CSV. And within a few years Frodo, a much more intimately sociable hobbit than his 'uncle', or second cousin if truth be told, Frodo inadvertently passed his infection on to his two close friends Merry and Pippin, and his gardener Sam, who began to show symptoms such as sudden outbursts of song at inappropriate moments (such as in the middle of an orc infested tower of Mordor) and the preparation of clever verses for solemn occasions. The spread of CSV was well and truly under way in the hobbits.
  And this affliction, this chronic, and often incurable infection which we thought to have disappeared at last has surfaced again amongst us. It was several months ago that this reporter began to notice the first symptoms of it. More and more frequently did spontaneous rhymes and verses begin to pop out of my mouth at the least expected moments. However, CSV being such an obscure affliction, it took me many months to identify it. And by then, it was too late. Already I have spotted symptoms of CSV amongst five of my companions who shall remain nameless, and the problem will only continue to grow. No cure nor vaccination has yet been found for CSV, and proper scientific research is yet to begin. We have yet to determine it's cause and nature, how it spreads, and it's long term effects. But now at least we are forewarned, if not yet fore-armed. Let us hope that local scientists will soon take action to stop the spread of the mysterious Chronic Spontaneous Verse, before it's too late. Until then, I say to you;

Watch out my friend,
Or you'll meet your end,
From the terrible curse,
Of Chronic Spontaneous Verse!

Perian's Personal Eight Wonders of the World
by Eowyn Evenstar

  (Note from Editor: This was not authorized. Ooh, no.)

  I was talking to Perian recently and she mentioned that while watching The Return of the King she found herself cheering on Sam for most of the movie! That of course is surprise enough in itself. She even at one point said "FRODO, BE NICE"! What I found amusing though was that she had managed to incorporate three of her obsessions into one activity without even multitasking! It combines The Lord of the Rings, Sam (this is a new one her theory is that it comes from eating so many potatoes), and Gondolin!
  She then proceeded to tell me it incorporated not three, but four of her obsessions! For Sam's "food name" is not other that potatoes! And believe me, Perian is obsessed with them. She currently has fifty pounds in her house. No, wait, correction, she now has forty-five. She ate five already. And who, might I ask, likes potatoes? Why the Irish of course!
  That's fifth fetish. So what's the sixth you might ask? Poetry! Perian loves poetry. She reads it all of the time. And her favourite poem is sung by none other than Sam when he was despairing in Cirith Ungol! My, doesn't her life go in circles? The seventh is none other than mountains. Did you know that Perian was wandering mountains every weekend for the past three weeks? She's tasted the dirt from all of them, to! Her eighth of course is Frodo. To quote Perian, eight is immortality, infinity, and perfection. And so is Frodo. Now you know what Perian considers to be the eight wonders of the world.

Tolkien: A Biography By Michael White
By Xara

  "He notices a tiny hole in the fabric and stares at it for long moments, day-dreaming. Then he turns back to the paper in front of him and begins to write: 'In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit'..." 
 Tolkien: A Biography, is a beautifully written in-depth look into the life and work of Professor JRR Tolkien. It takes the reader on the journey of Tolkien's life, from his first years to his last and everything in between, revealing many answers to every Tolkien fan's most pressing questions from the inspirations for his work to his family life to his relationship with C S Lewis. Written by a true fan, Tolkien: A Biography is a must-have for every Tolkien fans bookshelf.

This Fortnight: Midnight Flower
By Cerridwen

Part IV.

  Legolas looked up at Eiliandel and Novrion as they entered the main hall early the next morning. "Quel amrun," he greeted.
  "Quel amrun," Novrion said in a dead-pan voice. Eiliandel looked at him and then went back to pulling out a chair to sit in. Legolas eyed them nervously. He'd never seen them like this - well, actually, he had seen Eiliandel like that before. When he'd first met her, centuries earlier, she had been even colder and distant than she was now. She had never smiled and her eyes had been as though they had been carved of stone - they had never shone with happiness or clouded with sadness. Once she met Novrion, her expression had changed. Her face had softened to allow a smile now and then, and her eyes now told her emotion instead of hiding it, but this morning, she seemed to have reverted back to the cold, expressionless elf he had first met. Legolas had met Novrion only after he had met Eiliandel, but the blonde elf seemed to have a simple yet pleasant outlook on life and to see him like this worried Legolas. Novrion caught Legolas's glances at the two of them. "Lord Palin left last night to go to the Havens," he said quietly. Eiliandel stiffened in her seat next to him, but did not say anything.
  "I am sorry that he had to leave so soon, Eiliandel," Legolas offered his condolences to her, now understanding why she was acting the way she was. Eiliandel gave a single nod in his direction and then went back to systematically peeling a citrus fruit. The silence dragged on and neither Legolas nor Novrion dared say a thing. Eiliandel had not reacted as Novrion had thought she would. Usually when she got upset or angry, he could be sure that there would be a fireball or two, but so far, she had not done a thing. And that fact was what worried him most.

  "Estel, please, I cannot see a thing!" Arwen had been woken early by both her father and Aragorn. They had promptly covered her eyes and had begun leading her somewhere. "Ada," Arwen started to say as she stumbled over a particularly rough patch.
  "Careful, careful." Elrond said, catching his daughter easily. He was actually smiling in amusement. Aragorn had shown up at his room to tell him of an idea he'd had - and Elrond was only too glad to do something to surprise Arwen. Very carefully they lead her around through several doors, a few hallways and then down several steps. Arwen was thoroughly lost by the time they decided to let her see just where they'd taken her. Arwen opened her eyes to see both her brothers looking at her.
  "Elladan! Elrohir!" Arwen smiled at them as they came forward to give her hugs.
  "And how are you, little sister?" Elrohir couldn't resist teasing her after he'd hugged her. Arwen gave him a look, but her reply was lost as Elladan easily picked his sister up in a hug, just as he'd done when they'd been younger. Elrond had a smile on his face, watching his three children. Arwen was obviously happy to see her brothers and it made him smile to see how they'd never really grown out of their childhood sibling behaviour - they'd merely perfected it.
  "Aragorn," Elrohir grinned at him.
  "How are you?" Elladan finished the usual question for his brother.
  "I am fine, thank you," Aragorn eyed them. He knew what they were thinking. When they had been growing up, they would ask that question and then try to get him, just as they would do to their sister - except they never had tackled her.
  "Do you think," Elladan stepped forward slowly. Aragorn took a step back. Arwen watched her brothers and Aragorn with a confused look on her face. She had no idea what was happening, but judging by the look on the twins faces, she could bet it was going to be amusing.
  "That he remembers?" Elrohir looked at Elladan, finishing that sentence for him.
  "Oh, he remembers, all right. I can hear you, you know," Aragorn said, backing up a few more paces. The twins looked at each other and then rushed forward. There was a scurry of motion as Aragorn tried to side-step them, but he didn't make it. Arwen burst into laughter as she watched as her brothers pretty much tackled her husband-to-be. She was still laughing when he came back over to stand near her, Elladan and Elrohir standing across from them grinning like fools. Aragorn glanced at her and shook his head, "What? You can't tell me that they never did that to you!" he said.
  Arwen nodded, "Yes I can! They never did," she was still giggling a little.
  "That would be the truth," Elrohir nodded.
  "We were thinking of it once, but, our plans... well, they were foiled, in essence," Elladan said, glancing at his father.
  "Foiled in essence?" Elrond shook his head in remembrance, "If I remember correctly, you two were going to jump out at her when she came back from Lorien - I believe that Glorifindel and I found you hiding in the bushes outside my study," he looked at them.
  Arwen stared at them, "You were?" she looked amused.
  "Well, yes, but he sneezed," Elladan pointed at Elrohir.
  "And we got caught," Elrohir said drily. Arwen smiled at that - she'd never known that her return from Lorien could have started with that. Still talking amongst themselves, they all headed inside.

Newsletter Trivia.

Q: What was the first Trivia question to ever be published in the I Nili Newsletter?
Q: According to Xara, what minor character plays a major role in The Lord of the Rings?

Last Week's Answers:

A: LotR4: Attack of the Spammers.
A: Peregrin Took's.

Random Fandom.
Xara: Imagine you are the webmistress of a successful Arwen/Liv Tyler website (hehe). You are contacted by a mysterious user congratulating you on the accuracy of your information. Due to many things I shall not here list, you realize that this is actually Arwen Undomiel herself, though why she is alive today and surfing the net is beyond you. What do you do?
Angel: *shocked* I don't need to imagine!!! I AM the webmistress of a successful Arwen/Liv site! *Wink* Well, let's see... to tell you the truth, there are so many out there who pretend to be the star herself. Never had an email from a loony who said they were really Arwen though...
Okay, seeing it says I 'actually realize that this is Arwen herself', I'd have a heart attack before I try to organize some face-to-face interviews and picture shoots!!! I mean, SHE LIKES MY WORK!!!
Xara: After attending a global Frodo Fan convention you emerge, garments in shreds with severe bruising to the upper arms and stomach, and a large cut across your forehead. What happened?!
Angel: Well, that's the thing... I got beaten up by Frodo fans for yelling out "BOOORING!!! Legolas rules!". *Sigh* I've learnt my lesson of never doing that again...
Xara: After your latest trip to Middle Earth your horse is suffering from an extremely nasty bout of flu. What did you make the poor creature endure, huh?
Angel: Um... I think my horse caught it off me. You see, I'm allergic to horses, and I act like I've got the flu around them. Plus, the occasional asthma attack if I'm lucky *makes a face*. Poor horsie though. Oopsies.

Ask Samwise.
With extra thanks this week to Ivy.
  Dear Samwise,
  'Sauron's attempts to take over Middle Earth were really just a cry for help'. Discuss.
  Dear Xara,
  First your article has my master as married to The Enemy, and now this? It's not natural.
  Dear Samwise,
   I believe that almost everyone that I am close to knows that I am getting braces on Thursday. I have told all my mates in class as well, and they are all extremely supportive of me ... except for this one girl, who takes pleasure in offering me chewing gum even though she knows I will not be able to have it (I have stopped chewing for 2 weeks now, in preparation for "the day"). How do I handle her with dignity so that no-one knows how much I want to rip her eyes out? Thanks Samwise. As always, dinner at my house?

  Dear Prongs,
  Sounds like you're in quite a predicament! The best thing to do is, not rip her eyes out, as I know you'd like, and not ignore her, but be neutral to her comments and sneers. Eventually she'll realize that you're not getting angry and then the twisted fun she's taking out of it will be gone and she'll stop. If that doesn't work, just flash her a big smile, take a piece, and tell her you'll save it for when you have perfect teeth.
  When Rosie, ahem, "lets" me,

WANTED: Toilet paper. I think the ranger stole my last roll. Sam.

FOR SALE: Legolas's phone number. Ever since I've had it in my possession I have been bombarded day and night by screaming fan girls threatening to kill me if I do not give it to them and only them etc...Please take it away. My email is xara229@hotmail.com and I will gladly pass on this information for a perfectly reasonable fee.

FOR SALE: an Orlando Bloom poster that a "friend" of mine gave me, thinking I was a Legolas fan ... hello?! Scruffy Rangers rule! Email me: prongseroo@hotmail.com

Descriptive Elements, Part IV. (Key: q.= Quenya, s. = Sindarin, where known.)
er: (adjective) one, alone. Amon Ereb, Erebor, Erchamion, Eressea.
ereg: (noun) thorn, holly. Eregion, Region.
esgal: (noun) screen, hiding. Esgalduin.
faroth: (verb) hunt, persue (or noun) hunters. Taur-en-Faroth.

  Dear Editor,
  I found the newsletter this week as always, very enjoyable. But I confess I was rather disappointed by the complete lack of Dark Lord and Hobbit marriage expose's, especially as I am aware one has been submitted to you. I had expected, given the ground breaking, shocking and generally very important nature of this article that it would have been published at the nearest opportunity, and I am beginning to suspect that you, as the host of one of the alter-ego hobbits in question, were not completely innocent in your motives for not letting it appear in this issue. Hmph.
  Dear Xara,
  I did and do have every intention of publishing that article soon (as I'm sure you can see with this issue), but last issue was themed, and so I thought it best to delay it. Mind you, they are definitely Creatures, those three, but I'm not so sure that they would have appreciated being classified as such. Er, and yes, I did have an ulterior motive, I'm afraid. I wanted to plan and adequate rebuttal. The truth is out. Perhaps you shall be writing an article on the corruption of the i Nili Newsletter Editors soon. We shall see!

Ringleaders update: Ivy and Prongsie are currently tied, with Eo'Star, Cerridwen, and Paddy following. Good luck! Enter the contest by contributing or finding subscribers.


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